


Measure Every Grief

by darthmelyanna, miera



Series: stargate_ren [28]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Renaissance, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-11
Updated: 2009-08-20
Packaged: 2019-10-02 14:39:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17266013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthmelyanna/pseuds/darthmelyanna, https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: Atlantis struggles to cope with Elizabeth's illness and its probable outcome.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Last fic of the season, folks. Enjoy ~~the evil~~. ;) (Part III is the reason for the not-safe-for-work rating.)

  
After leaving her father's chambers Kate walked slowly, taking a long route back to Elizabeth's study, trying to avoid having to speak to any of the lords milling around the palace. As a result she joined with Laura, who was carrying a tray of food back for the queen. Kate took the decanter from the tray and walked beside her.

Their eyes met, but it seemed that neither of them knew what to say. A little while ago they had watched as the Queen of Atalan was betrayed by one of her own advisors and forced to yield to the will of her nobles. It was difficult to say which of these blows was the worst, coming as they did on top of Lord Daniel and Lord George both being ill, and Lord Daniel not expected to recover. Kate was not sure how much more stress Elizabeth could take just now.

When they approached the last corner on the way back, a man ran out of the corridor but went in the other direction. It looked like Jack, but that seemed unlikely, given that he was the one who had spoken against Elizabeth and enabled the college to defy her. Surely he would not have come to speak to the queen as if nothing had happened. A few moments later, Kate could see the door, but the guards were gone. After everything that had happened already this morning, she got a sinking feeling in her stomach. Gathering her skirts in one hand, she hurried ahead of Laura to see what was going on.

The guards were at the far end of the corridor, rushing around the next corner. Marcus was carrying a woman's body.

Kate and Laura stood frozen for one horrified moment, just staring down the hall, before Kate regained her composure and cast about for a servant. There was a page nearby, and they shoved the food at him and ran. They did not catch up to the guards before the men had reached their destination, where the door to Elizabeth's chambers was standing open.

Inside, Marcus was laying Elizabeth down upon her bed and the rest of his men milled about, not knowing what to do or where to find anything that might be needed. Through the chaos Laura said loudly, "What manner of guards are you, to be so distraught?"

"Laura, this is no time for a joke," Marcus said, through gritted teeth.

"I am not joking," Laura snapped. "Get out of our way."

The sea of black parted and Kate and Laura passed through to the bed. Marcus moved only a little, making way for Kate to sit next to Elizabeth and feel her forehead. "She is burning up," she murmured. Elizabeth's cheeks were flushed and her breathing was shallow. "What happened?"

"Lord Jonathan came to speak with her," Marcus explained lowly. "I went in to ask if she would see him, but she was unconscious."

Knowing it was futile, Kate reached behind Elizabeth's head to feel for a welt, hoping she had merely fallen and hit her head. But there was nothing to be found. She looked to Laura, who was standing a step back from the bed. "Someone sent for Carson?" Laura asked.

Marcus nodded. "Jack went for him."

"He was planning to spend an hour or two this morning looking through his books for anything which might help. He should be here soon."

A few moments later, they could hear rapid footsteps and Carson peppering someone with questions. Jack looked overwhelmed already when he arrived with the doctor, but Kate felt little sympathy for him, after what had happened this morning.

"Kate, move," Carson ordered. Kate jumped out of the way, backing into Marcus, who steadied her with a hand at each elbow. She glanced back at him but his gaze was fixed on Carson.

"We need to bring her temperature down, but there is no ice left," Carson began almost as soon as he reached the queen. "Lord Jonathan, go to the well in the courtyard by the stables and bring up cold water. Kate, we need to get her out of these clothes." Jack exited, and quietly Marcus herded the guards out of the room. He did not need to be asked to give the queen some privacy.

Carson opened his mouth to speak again, but upon fixing his eyes on his wife he abruptly stopped. "Laura?"

There was a tightness around her mouth. "Carson..."

"Laura, _go_ ," Carson replied, his voice low and pained but firm. She weaved from one foot to the other, opening her mouth to speak, and he snapped, "Laura!"

With one guilty look at Elizabeth, Laura turned and fled the room.

Kate couldn't move for a moment. What had just happened? Why on earth had Carson sent Laura away from Elizabeth right now? She opened her mouth to demand an explanation of him but Carson sent her a sharp look and turned his full attention back to Elizabeth. Kate set aside her confusion, for the moment at least.

Marcus closed the door, staying by it while Kate climbed onto the other side of the bed to help Carson undress Elizabeth. Her hands were shaking as she and Carson maneuvered her around and dealt with the laces. The process brought back a number of unpleasant memories. It had been almost four years now since Kinsey had poisoned Elizabeth at her wedding feast. She kept reminding herself that Carson had saved Elizabeth on that night too.

"We'll need washcloths," Carson said.

"Marcus, in that trunk," Kate said, pointing at a chest near the fireplace. He rushed to it and came with his arms full of towels and cloths a few moments later.

"Perhaps not that many," said the doctor wryly.

"Set them down upon the bed," Kate said anyway, with a grateful look at the guard. Meanwhile she began to remove Elizabeth's stockings, hoping that too would help cool her body.

Marcus laid them at the foot of the bed and straightened. "Is this the fever, Beckett?"

"That is what I am trying to ascertain, Lorne," Carson said testily. He began to unbutton the top of Elizabeth's chemise, at which point Marcus turned away discreetly. "Her body is flushed, like her cousin's."

"Her cheeks have more color than they did just a few hours ago," Kate pointed out.

"Did you not notice anything this morning?" Carson asked. "Or last night?"

"I did not attend her last night," Kate replied, her voice shaking, "and this morning it was rather dark while we dressed. She complained of a headache, so I did not light the candles."

"Who attended her last night?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Laura?"

Carson shook his head, but said nothing else. Kate did not know what to make of the exchange she had witnessed between him and Laura. What could possibly make Laura abandon the queen at such a time?

"Has she vomited at all?" Carson asked.

Kate shook her head. "She's hardly eaten in days. It's been too hot."

Carson continued to examine Elizabeth, but Marcus called Kate's attention away. "Kate, is there something I can do?"

She sat back on her heels and looked at the clothes they had removed from Elizabeth. "Gather her things," she said. "Send them down to be washed."

Marcus diligently began to gather the clothing that had been strewn about and left the room briefly. When he returned, he said quietly, "Kate, Laura is in the corridor. She's asking for you."

Kate looked at Carson, who met her eyes briefly and nodded. "Be quick about it, and do not come too close to her."

Marcus helped her down from the bed. Her ankles were sore from kneeling so long but she disregarded the pain. She left the bedroom and antechamber and found Laura in the corridor, looking nervous and even frightened.

"Laura, why did you let your husband order you out like that?" Kate said, her own anxiety making her sharper than she intended. She stalked toward Laura, but Laura backed away. "Why would you abandon Elizabeth like this?"

Laura was white as a sheet. "Kate, I..." She trailed off, and Kate thought her friend had never seemed so small and fragile.

She pressed a hand against her stomach and Kate gasped. "You're with child?" she whispered.

Laura nodded. "It is not absolutely certain yet, but I am more sure of it with every passing hour. If something were to happen – if I were to lose this child –"

Kate felt a vague stirring of alarm. Something about Laura's words unsettled her, but then Laura bit her lip, her expression grief-stricken. Kate wanted nothing more than to embrace and reassure her, but Carson's edict stood between them. They had no idea what this disease might do to a woman in Laura's condition, and Kate had no desire to learn. She could not blame either of them for avoiding that risk, even if it meant Laura must stay away from Elizabeth for now.

Laura took a deep breath. "You will keep me informed? Even if through notes slipped under my door?"

"Of course," Kate replied. "Is there anything else I can do?"

Laura held out the small satchel which the messenger from Iolan had given to Elizabeth earlier. "I went back to her study and retrieved the letters," she explained. "Kate, this fever has been in Iolan. The queen mother died from it."

For a moment Kate couldn't breathe, but she steadied herself and tried to hold in her fear. "Elizabeth is young."

"Yes," Laura agreed, though her answer sounded hollow. Both recalled how healthy Natalya had seemed during their visit in the spring.

"We will come through this, Laura," Kate insisted. "We will not lose her."

Laura nodded. "I must go. Carson would tell me I've exposed myself too much already." She took a step forward but seemed to think better of it. "Kate, take care of her."

"You know I will."

* * *

  
Jack ignored the pain in his knees from running up and down stairs through the castle. He had rushed to find Beckett and bring the doctor to Elizabeth's side. Now he pelted down to the courtyard well. It was the deepest in Atlantis, and the water was the coldest. He conscripted two of the soldiers who were passing by to fill buckets with the icy water and carry it back up the tower stairs to the queen's chambers.

He noticed distantly that people were staring, but he had no time to alleviate their curiosity at the moment.

The memory of finding Elizabeth lying unconscious on the floor would not soon leave him. So much had happened today, but it was this last that had shaken him to the core. He could not help wondering if his own actions had brought on this illness. What if he had harmed more than just her credibility today?

A thin curtain had been drawn on one side of Elizabeth's bed, shielding her from immediate view. He ordered the two soldiers to set their buckets down and the men left. Captain Lorne stood near the door, his fists clenched at his sides.

Kate and Beckett began soaking washcloths in the cold water and applying them hurriedly. They spoke only in fragments to each other for a few minutes, until Kate happened to glance up and spy him standing on the edge of the room. Her face grew hostile. "Thank you, my lord," she said formally, with a chill in her voice that made him wince. "You may go now."

He hesitated. Kate shot a meaningful glance towards the captain and the young man took a step forward. Though Lorne didn't raise a hand, the threat to bodily eject him from the room was clear.

Jack swallowed. "My lady, I need to know the queen's condition."

He did not know if Beckett was aware of what had transpired in the college chamber earlier in the day, but the doctor spared him only one annoyed glance. "I have not finished my evaluation yet, my lord," he said curtly.

He was herded a step closer to the door by Lorne and frowned. He looked to Kate again. "Kate, there is no one else," he pointed out quietly.

She paused for a moment as she realized he was correct. None of Elizabeth's other advisors was able to be here and the smooth functioning of the government was at risk with the queen, the Duke of Langford and the Marquis of Hammond all incapacitated. He needed to know what was going on if there was any hope of maintaining order.

Beckett, however, stepped in at that point. "Whatever politics are going on here, my lord, I need privacy to work. Wait outside."

There was no arguing with the queen's physician. Jack retired to the antechamber. As he did, Kate whispered something to Lorne, who nodded, stepped out as Jack did and departed with a single look at his men. Master Stackhouse took up a position before the door, barring entry to anyone.

Jack paced the antechamber, which did not have a great deal of space. Frustration and fear clawed at him, but he could do nothing but wait.

* * *

  
After the disaster in the college that morning, Teyla was almost relieved to be preparing to return to Athos. She doubted any significant business would be brought before the nobles in the next few days, and this sickness that was spreading through Atlantis had struck hard at the coastal lands. She had received increasingly urgent messages from Halling about the state of things in the village, all requesting she return soon. And she had had enough of court politics and intrigues for the moment. Returning to the mainland to confront a fever seemed a relief by comparison.

She planned to speak to Elizabeth before departing, but as she opened her door she jumped, for Captain Lorne was standing on the other side, poised to knock. He recovered himself first, bowing. "My lady, Lady Katherine asked me to fetch you."

Teyla stepped into the corridor, staring at him curiously. "Indeed?"

He did not step back, however. Instead he leaned closer and spoke lowly, "The queen is ill."

Teyla's heart seemed to leap to her throat. "Oh no."

His face was grim. "I discovered her unconscious on the floor of her study. Beckett is with her now."

She wasted no more time. The two of them began to walk quickly through the corridors. "Is it the fever?"

"It seems impossible it is anything else," Marcus said. She could easily see the self-recrimination on his face. With the fever spreading through the palace, the captain was blaming himself for not protecting the queen more carefully.

She thought back to the previous night. "I am not so certain," she told him. "You recall how distressed she was last night when I came to see her?" He nodded. "It could simply be that the last few days have burdened her more than we anticipated."

"This morning's ambush in the college could not have helped," he said, viciously. Then he colored and glanced at her. "My apologies. I know it is not my place-"

She placed a hand on his arm. "Do not worry, Marcus." She offered him a bitter smile. "I feel the same way."

They were alone in the stairwell leading up to Elizabeth's chambers. Teyla realized this was perhaps the only chance she would have to speak to him privately for some time, and there was something she had wished to ask him about for a few weeks. "Marcus, are you all right?" she asked him. When he looked at her in confusion, she added, "I heard some rumors, regarding you and Kate..."

"Teyla, do you not know better than to listen to rumors?" he asked in return, though he gave her a rueful smile. "I am fine. But thank you for your concern."

That seemed to be all he would say on the matter. Kate had been similarly reticent to discuss it. Teyla wondered how such a situation was ever to be mended if the two of them would not speak to anyone, including each other.

But then they were at the door and Teyla put the romantic tribulations of her friends aside.

Jack was pacing the antechamber. Teyla hesitated when she saw him, a fresh wave of fury engulfing her. This was not the time to bring up his appalling actions in opposition to the queen, however. She satisfied herself with glaring and seeing him attempt to avoid her gaze as much as possible.

Marcus had gone into the queen's room and closed the door. A brittle silence fell that lasted some minutes more before the door opened again and Marcus beckoned her and Jack inside.

Kate sat on the edge of the queen’s bed, wiping Elizabeth's arms with a washcloth. Even though the curtains were still mostly drawn shut, they were open enough that Teyla could see the flush on the queen's face.

Beckett approached them and Teyla's stomach turned over at his expression. He wasted no time on pleasantries. "Her Majesty's condition is dire. The blood fever has taken full hold."

"You are certain?" Jack asked stiffly.

The doctor nodded. "She has lost consciousness, and I dare not try to bleed her. The patients we attempted to bleed came close to dying when they could not stop bleeding normally." He swallowed heavily and Teyla did not want to dwell on the images his words created. "I dare not intervene with her Majesty in such a way. We can only attempt to keep her fever down and pray she has the strength to outlast it, but I must warn you, she was greatly weakened by the stress of the last several weeks. I am not sure..."

Teyla's own strength seemed to fail as Carson's words faded. She reached out and put a hand on his arm for a moment. On top of their fears for Daniel and Lord George, this was too much.

Jack was still searching for some option. "If there is anything that can be done to aid with Elizabeth's care," he began.

Carson nodded before Jack could finish. "I must speak with Master Loki. He will need to take over the care of Lord Daniel and Lord George and supervise conditions through the rest of the palace. My place is with the queen."

Jack seemed to brace himself. "I will send a messenger immediately." He pivoted and left the room.

Teyla glanced towards the bed, where Kate hovered over Elizabeth's still form. Marcus was standing near them both, arms crossed over his chest. Kate, though, was looking at Teyla, and her eyes went towards the door where Jack had just gone before returning to her.

Teyla realized suddenly that there had been a larger purpose behind her being summoned here. Kate had sent the captain of the guard for her not merely as Elizabeth's friend, but as the Countess of Athos and the queen's ally.

Lord George and Lord Daniel were still ill. There had been no word yet today on Daniel's condition. This left Jack as the most senior member of the college able to act on behalf of the country, and after his betrayal of the queen this morning, Kate had wanted someone else with power and authority present.

That Kate was thinking so strategically was not surprising, but it was alarming.

Teyla took a deep, steadying breath. She could do nothing for the queen's health, but she could take steps to protect Elizabeth's reign. Teyla nodded to Kate and quit the room. Jack was giving orders to bring the Asgard priest and lay in supplies for nursing Elizabeth at Beckett's discretion. "My lord?"

He turned to her in surprise. Teyla held her most formal expression. "I make for Athos shortly. My people are suffering from the fever, and I need to confer with my advisors. I will return as soon as possible, however."

If Jack understood the implicit threat, he made no sign of it. Teyla continued, "Before I depart, I will speak with the Earl of Heightmeyer and inform him of the situation, so that he may stand in my place during my absence."

She knew he understood her message, for she saw the flare of anger in Jack's eyes. In her current state, Teyla could not help but gain some grim satisfaction from it. However she inclined her head and left before he could speak.

* * *

  
After Jack had left her to talk with Elizabeth, Sarah was still restlessly angry. She tried finding Teyla again, needing some commiseration, but Teyla was packing to leave for the mainland so Sarah did not stay long.

There was something going on in the palace, however. It was hardly surprising that in the wake of such a defeat, Elizabeth would be withdrawn, but Sarah heard quite a few noblemen complain that their requests to speak to her had been turned down long before they reached the queen's door. Oddly, Jack was nowhere to be found but someone told her that he had been seen rushing away from the royal residence and then back some time later.

It was very strange, and Sarah did not like it. The sense of foreboding creeping through the halls reminded her of too many things she strove not to dwell upon.

Whatever was going on with Elizabeth, Sarah was sure Jack would wish to avoid the scrutiny of the nobles, so she went to his chambers. When she arrived, she found that Charles was already there. After the initial pleasantries were past, Sarah sat down at Jack's desk, looking out the window while Charles slowly paced.

She drummed her fingers on the desktop and tried to sort through the argument she'd had with Jack, not to mention his behavior in the college. There had been a moment when Teyla had called him a coward, and Jack had not reacted with anger but with surprise. He had not seemed that angry in the armory either, but rather upset and confused and terribly worn. So often Jack would fix his mind upon a thing and not deviate from it. It was a dangerous trait in a politician, even an unwilling one like Jack.

Sarah knew Jack's intentions were good, unlike some of the men he'd sided with, but he'd gone much too far. At least he knew it, she thought.

Charles walked up to the window and leaned back against the frame with his arms folded over his chest. The pose was almost painfully reminiscent of his father. "Sarah, why did he do this?" he asked, genuine bewilderment in his voice. "After everything he gave up for her, for this country – how could he do this?"

She hadn't seen Charles in the gallery but wasn't entirely surprised that he had been there for the assembly. "Your father is not a double-minded man. He did not do this for his own benefit."

Charles shook his head. "I do not understand this place."

"I was surprised that you came." When he made no answer, nor even lifted his eyes from the floor, Sarah pressed him further. "Charles, you must have had a reason."

"To understand the life my father chose," he said quietly, then looked straight at her. "And what he is still choosing."

Sarah didn't have to think very hard to discern his meaning. He had come to Atlantis to meet her.

"Charles, you must know that I am not trying to replace your mother," she said gently, getting to the point. "Certainly not for you, and not for your father either."

"I know." His voice was low and he looked away. "It just seems to have happened very quickly."

Sarah smiled then. "It did happen very quickly," she told him. "It was the last thing I expected when I came home."

Charles looked as though he was pondering what to say, but the door swung open before he could speak. Sarah stood and turned to the door, unsurprised to see Jack walk in.

Jack, on the other hand, was very surprised to find them there, though his expression turned grave quickly. "Father, what has happened?" Charles asked.

Jack closed the door behind him. "Elizabeth has fallen ill."

Sarah gasped softly. She had noticed the queen's pale countenance during the session, but the young lady was always rather pale. Glancing at Charles, she saw that he was equally alarmed by this news. "It is the fever?" she asked.

"Yes. She's unconscious."

With those words he half-turned away from them, wiping his mouth. Charles touched her arm lightly to get Sarah's attention, and he nodded his head toward his father. He didn't look entirely comfortable in the gesture, but she appreciated the attempt. He slipped out of the room, and Sarah walked up to Jack and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

His arms went around her waist and he rested his forehead on her shoulder, but she could feel the tension in his body, like he would snap at the slightest pressure. Lord George was sick, as was his best friend, and now so was the woman he loved as deeply as he loved his own son. It was too much, and Sarah could not push him away.

Her hands touched his hair, and he lifted his head. "Sarah, I am sorry," he said gruffly.

She tried to soothe him with a kiss. "It's all right, Jack." He gave her a dubious look, and she amended, "We have to talk about what happened eventually, but I can wait. I believe we both have larger concerns now."

He nodded, but his pained expression remained. With hesitation, he let go of her, and Sarah took a step back. "Is there anything I can do?"

Jack walked over to a chair near the hearth and sank into it stiffly. "Tell me what I am to do, Sarah."

It took her a moment, but she realized that Jack was the highest-ranking person in the country not currently afflicted. Jack, who had made a mockery of the queen's authority, was the one who would make decisions because he was the only one left to do so.

Fate, it seemed, had a sense of irony after all.

"Jack, you must inform the college," she told him, working to keep her voice even. "You cannot conceal the queen's illness from them forever. Someone will find out what is going on and it will not end well."

He nodded hesitantly. "Tomorrow morning. After what happened in the assembly this morning, I fear it might look like a coup if we announced her illness today. If _I_ announced her illness today."

Jack reached for her hand then and she squeezed it affectionately before letting go. Sarah hated to leave him alone, but she had promised to see Teyla off, and she doubted Teyla would be eager to see Jack now.

She was at the door when he said, "Sarah." She looked over her shoulder at him. "Why was Charles here?"

There were perhaps more politic ways of putting it, but Sarah decided to be blunt with him. "He wanted to know why you spoke out against the queen. I think you should explain it to him yourself."

She left before he could answer.

* * *

  
Late into the evening, the frantic pace of activity since Elizabeth's collapse finally began to slow. Kate sat at the queen's bedside, periodically wiping her fevered body with a cool cloth. Carson sat in the corner of the room, flipping through some kind of medical text while glancing over in Elizabeth's direction every once in a while. The queen had awakened briefly a few times during the late afternoon, but now she lay still, asleep again.

Kate sighed. So much had happened in single day, and through it all Kate had been struck with a sense of helplessness. She had watched as Jack helped the queen's political enemies strip Elizabeth of the means to guide the country through a difficult period, unable to do anything to stop it. Now Elizabeth lay in her bed, unconscious from the fever that had gripped the northern countries for some time.

Laura's absence only made her feel more alone. Kate understood the protective measures Carson was insisting on for his wife, but it did not make it any easier. As it was, there was little more Kate could do about anything now. She had done what she could in the political situation by informing Teyla, Laura was beyond her reach to comfort or be comforted by, and Elizabeth's health had only worsened throughout the day.

Elizabeth suddenly moaned a bit from the bed, and Kate moved quickly to her side. Carson was there shortly as well. The physician leaned over the queen's prone body, but after a moment, Elizabeth grew quiet again and Carson stepped back.

"Keep trying to cool her, Kate," he instructed quietly. "If the fever does not break soon, we may have to send for a tub of cold water."

Kate reached out for the washcloth and wetted it in the nearby basin. Wringing it out a little, she again began wiping it over Elizabeth's face. "A tub of cold water?" she repeated.

He nodded. "Aye. It's a last resort. Putting her in one of those could cause her body's temperature to drop too much too quickly. That could just make matters worse."

Silence descended again and Carson eventually returned to his seat and his texts. After bathing Elizabeth's face thoroughly, Kate returned the washcloth to the basin but did not sit back down. She needed to do something else, or she might go mad.

Looking about, she spotted the satchel Laura had given her on Elizabeth's desk. Walking over to it, she opened the bag to find the letters Elizabeth had been reading just before she had collapsed. After a moment's hesitation, Kate opened them.

One letter officially notified Elizabeth of the death of the queen mother from the fever. Laura had told Kate as much, but Kate was shocked to read that Radek would become King of Iolan, rather than Natalya's young son. She wondered what reason there was behind changing the succession again as she turned to the second letter. It was a personal note in Radek's own hand. He wrote of the decision of Iolan's nobility, the illness that had taken his sister, and lastly of his coming marriage to Lady Jean Miller.

Kate was startled. She had not known that the prince had held Lady Miller in any particular regard. Jeannie was a lovely woman, and quite spirited, as Kate remembered all too well from their risky investigation of Lord Simmons. But at the time Radek had seemed quite enamored of Elizabeth.

"Carson?" He looked up and she held out the letters. "I think you should look at these. They're from Iolan. Elizabeth was given these letters just before she collapsed."

He came to her and tilted the papers towards the light to read them. She saw her own surprise reflected in his face. "Oh my."

Kate looked at the bed. "Do you think this might have something to do with her illness?" Not that Elizabeth was some weeping maiden from a fairy tale who would fall to pieces to learn a former suitor had pledged himself to another woman, but still.

Carson sighed. "It very well might have. She may have had one too many great shocks for a single day."

Kate's heart ached all over again as she returned to the bedside and resumed wiping Elizabeth's face with the washcloth. For Elizabeth to have suffered such a reversal with her own college of lords, then to learn that Radek – who had seemed genuinely devoted to her just a short time ago – was marrying another woman would be one final, cruel blow. Kate knew enough of court politics to realize that the future king of Iolan marrying a common-born woman who was now a widow was not a strategic move, but one born of emotion.

Elizabeth had endured enough grief regarding her heart recently, and now this.

She thought of John and paused. Though Elizabeth had rarely spoken of him, Kate had no doubt that Elizabeth was in love with John. She was not as certain of John's feelings, but everyone had known he cared for Elizabeth as more than his sovereign queen. Of course, it might very well be that John no longer felt that way, or that he considered Elizabeth nothing more than a memory belonging to the past.

Kate doubted it was so herself.

More importantly, Elizabeth had felt John's absence keenly for all these months, hoping against hope for him to return. If there was an opportune moment for him to do so, it was now.

She glanced at the desk, where Elizabeth’s writing tools were laid out neatly. Should she…?

After a moment, she straightened. She would. No matter what his circumstances were at this point, John deserved a chance to decide whether or not he could be spared from Caldora to see Elizabeth, perhaps for the last time.

The note was brief, almost curt, but she could not spare much energy for delicacy just then. When she had finished, she summoned a messenger and gave him explicit instructions. It was rash, perhaps, to use a royal messenger on such a personal errand, but it gave her some tiny sense of control. At the least, John would have time to prepare himself.

She had just returned to her chair next to Elizabeth's bed when the door opened to reveal Marcus. She watched his eyes go first to Elizabeth's prone form, and then sweep the room until they landed on Carson, who was staring at him expectantly.

"Carson," he said, "we just received a message from Master Loki. Lord George has awakened."


	2. Chapter 2

The air held an aura of anxiety as Lord David made his way through the corridors. It was early morning, so in theory the stillness could simply be a result of lack of movement, but David had spent enough time in the palace to recognize its moods. The tension of the last several days had shifted focus, and he suspected that before long, everyone in the palace would know why.

Lady Teyla had come to him the previous afternoon and told him of the queen's illness. The countess had made it plain that in her absence today, someone needed to act to protect the queen's reign and the stability of the government, and since he and Teyla were of equal rank, she expected that person to be him.

While he was willing to do whatever was necessary for her Majesty, David had spent most of the evening unsure as to exactly how he could be of service, until a message had arrived from his daughter. Lord George was recovering from the fever. He would be meeting with Lord Jonathan this morning.

David had risen earlier than usual and as he approached the Marquis of Hammond's chambers, it seemed he had achieved his purpose, for no one was nearby. A servant admitted him and he thanked the ancestors that he found Lord George alone.

The older man looked tired, which was unsurprising. After making some polite inquiries about the gentleman's health, Lord David settled down to business. "I'm certain you have been told of the queen's illness, my lord?"

George looked grave. David had not seen him so distressed since King Edmund's death. "Yes, Master Loki informed me last night that she has taken ill, and that Lord Daniel is not expected to recover."

David nodded. "It is a most fearful time." He drew a breath. "As much as my concerns are with her Majesty and Lord Daniel, I feel there are other events with which you need be acquainted, my lord."

George looked at him in confusion. "What events?"

David began to carefully explain the basic facts of the last few days, including both meetings of the college, the insolence of Glaston and Samuels, and the insubordination of the Marquis of Neill. He did his best to speak plainly and not embellish, but Lord George had been in court most of his life, and David could see the older man understood the ramifications of what had passed in the previous two days.

When David had finished, George looked at him with an intensity that was unnerving. "And your reason for telling me this information, my lord?"

He resisted clearing his throat. "With yourself and Lord Daniel both ill and Sir Jacob away, the ranks of the queen's advisors are perilously thin. The Countess of Athos was called home due to the fever, and she asked me to stand in her place until she returned."

If George was surprised by Teyla's political acumen or her maneuverings, he did not show it.

"There is one other piece of information," David continued. "My daughter sent word last night of news from Iolan. The queen mother... my lord, this same illness has been in the country and she died of it."

The older man startled visibly at that. After a moment, he asked, "What becomes of the young prince, then?"

David sighed. "It seems the assembly in Iolan did not wish to risk a prolonged regency. The crown has reverted to Prince Radek. He will be crowned king within a matter of months, but that is not all. He sent Queen Elizabeth word that he will marry a Lady Miller, who I understand is the sister of Master McKay."

Lord George stared at him. Then he leaned back in the bed and was silent for a long while. At length he said calmly, "This information was sent to the queen?"

"Yes. Kate thought such sudden revelations might have hastened the queen's illness."

George nodded. "I think it unnecessary to add fuel to the fire sure to erupt here. For now, the news from Iolan should be kept quiet. It will arrive by other means soon enough."

Before David could ask any questions, there was a knock at the door, and a servant announced Lord Jonathan.

Jack halted near the threshold at the sight of David sitting with Lord George, but he said nothing of it. For his part, David found anger welling inside of him. Having to recount the ghastly turn of events to George had reminded him of the damage this man had done to the queen and possibly the country. However, this was not the time or place to bring it up.

Even recovering from illness, George was a superior politician. He coughed and beckoned Jack closer. "Gentlemen, we must discuss what is to be done and how this news is to be shared with the college. The queen's illness will not remain secret for long, if it has been secret at all."

"An announcement must be made," David agreed. "Preferably this morning, before the rumors have time to swell."

Jack's eyes flickered to David for a moment, but he said nothing.

George appeared to be considering the situation, then he turned to David. "My lord, I think it best you address the college. Give Hurst instructions to call them to assemble and then give them what information Beckett has offered."

David did his best to keep his expression neutral. "May I ask what your reasoning is, my lord?"

George looked grim. "It is no secret that if something should happen to her Majesty, the crown may pass to you, Lord David. I would have the nation see you playing an integral role as we care for the country during the queen's illness. Hopefully, it will stave off rumors and plots."

It was not the reason David himself wanted to undertake this task, but that did not make it any less sound. "I understand, my lord. With your permission, I will go speak to Lord Benjamin."

George nodded. David glanced towards Jack and inclined his head slightly, as technically Jack outranked him. Not that David was putting much store by rank at the moment.

For his part, Jack barely recognized the gesture. His attention was focused on George, and David quit the room, rather relieved to escape before the confrontation about to take place between the two marquises.

* * *

In a lighter mood, Jack might have felt as though he was a boy awaiting a scolding as Lord David left him alone with Lord George. But another mostly-sleepless night had stripped Jack of any semblance of humor. He had lain awake many hours, every noise making him start with fear of a messenger coming to tell him Elizabeth was worse, or that Daniel was dead.

Now he sat awaiting the judgment of the man he regarded as a mentor and teacher, and the discomfort and fear was far worse than any boy could feel for some prank gone awry.

As usual, he had underestimated Lord George once again. Though it was obvious David had acquainted him with what had happened during his illness, George regarded him seriously but calmly and said, "Jack, explain your part in this."

Haltingly, he told his tale. His reasons for going against Elizabeth seemed ever more futile the more time lapsed, but he did not offer excuses. There were none to be had.

When he finished, George looked at him closely. "When you returned from Neill, you told me of the gunpowder. I agreed with you then, and still agree, that it would be a worthwhile tool and should be pursued. What I do not understand is why you would force the issue at such a moment, when the queen was struggling to defend her influence with the college as well as her own people, and was without the counsel of both Daniel and myself."

"It was not my intention to go so far," he protested. "You know that I do not think so far ahead."

The self-deprecation did not do anything to deflect the conversation. "In this instance, it seems you hardly thought at all."

Jack winced. He stared at the floor for a moment. "I saw Elizabeth acting impulsively, pursuing a course of action I felt was stubborn and dangerously single-minded, one that could leave us vulnerable to the Goa'uld or to an unexpected enemy like the Ori." Before George could speak he held up a hand. "It is my responsibility to consider the security of the country above anything else. I have already been made aware that there are aspects to this situation I failed to consider."

"Such as that pursuing this weapon may arouse suspicion and make Atalan even more of a target than she already is?"

He nodded, thinking of how quickly Sarah had pointed out a consideration that had never entered his own head. The other man did not even touch on the continuing threat of the Wraith.

George sighed. "What disturbs me, Jack, is that you have acknowledged your own shortcomings many times in the past, but at no point in the last few days have you considered that because of those shortcomings, you may need to listen to someone else on this subject. Usually you are intelligent enough to seek out other opinions to fill in those areas you know you are not master of. In this case, however, when a great deal was depending on your ability to think clearly, you utterly failed."

The words nearly felt like a physical blow. The condemnation in George's eyes was unbearable. He wanted to defend himself, to point out that his best friend lay dying and he had Sarah's welfare and his son's continued misgivings weighing on his mind, but he knew those were the very reasons why he should have been more dispassionate than he had been. If Elizabeth had been single-minded, he had been far more so, and he should have been the one to set an example for her by stepping back and considering the situation rationally, instead of allowing emotion to cloud his thinking and acting without forethought.

He could summon no words to say in his own defense. Eventually, George sighed. "I do not know what Elizabeth's mood will be when she recovers." The marquis did not use the word "if" but Jack thought of Daniel, lying in his curtained room and no longer moving even in sleep, and found it difficult to swallow.

The older man continued, "There is no one in Atalan as qualified as you to lead the army, but I suspect your level of influence over the monarch will wane, at the least temporarily. And I cannot say I would blame her Majesty for such a decision. In the meantime, it would be best if you were seen – but not often – and refused to answer questions. Elizabeth's illness will raise suspicions and fears and having so recently stood in opposition to her, it will not take much to start foolish tongues wagging about your ambitions."

Jack nodded, even though both of them knew the absolute last thing in the world he would ever want would be more power and responsibility in court. His desires were not important now; appearances were. Also, he would hardly dare defy the Marquis of Hammond at this juncture.

They looked at one another for a moment and Jack saw plainly the other words George was not speaking. He had let down Lord George, and Daniel, and Elizabeth, and done so at a particularly vulnerable moment. More than that, he had failed to keep the oath he had sworn to King Edmund, in spirit if not in letter. Elizabeth's protection and well-being should have been his motivation, not his own convictions of what was needed.

Disappointment – George's disappointment with him and Jack's disappointment with himself – engulfed him.

In a low voice, he conceded, "I will accept whatever decision her Majesty makes on this matter."

He stood before any more words could be exchanged, not sure he could bear further scrutiny just now. "I should let you rest. I would not risk your recovery." He bowed and hastened from the room, not sure where he was to go, but knowing he could not bear to linger in that room any further.

* * *

  
After leaving Lord George to speak to Lord Jonathan – or roast him on a spit in his fireplace – David sought out Benjamin Hurst. He informed the older man of his orders from the Marquis of Hammond, as well as a few details concerning the announcement he had to make to the college. Hurst was trustworthy, and known to be very fond of the queen.

Working together, they gathered a veritable army of pages, who were sent out with summons for the various members of the college. By late morning, they were assembled. David followed Lord Benjamin into the chamber. The older man sat down, but David remained standing in front of the empty throne.

He took a deep breath, taking note that practically every eye in the college was on him. Hurst had barely called the college to order when David was addressed.

"Lord David," Samuels shouted above the chaos, "I demand to know what is happening –"

Matthew of Glaston was standing next to Samuels, looking equally irate. "Where is the queen?" he demanded just as loudly. "Or Lord Jonathan?"

Many other lords added their voices to the query, but David said nothing in response, merely waiting. After some minutes, they realized that he was remaining silent and began to close their mouths themselves.

When the large room was finally still, David spoke. "Thank you," he said. "I have been requested by others to inform you of our current situation."

"What situation?" Glaston challenged.

David pressed his lips together in irritation. This puppy had caused a great deal of trouble for many people, most especially the queen, and he was grating on David's already-frayed nerves. Taking a deep breath, he replied in a measured tone, "If you will wait in silence, my lord, I would be able to inform you."

Glaston glared at him, but did not respond. There was a round of approving murmurs at that.

Nodding to himself, David continued, "There is no simple way of saying this, so I shall be blunt with all of you. Soon after yesterday's session, Queen Elizabeth collapsed in her private study."

Silence reigned for a brief moment and David saw several men go pale. Before anyone could begin to comment, he continued. "She was discovered by Captain Lorne and he immediately summoned Doctor Beckett. After a thorough examination, the doctor determined that the blood fever has taken hold of her. He believes that the constant stresses that have been placed upon her since her return to Atlantis weakened her physical condition and left her more susceptible to illness."

The lords began to speak then, many demanding reassurance that the queen was being watched carefully and being given every consideration. David nodded to some of them, but his eyes swept over several individuals in particular. The Viscountess of Berwynn had a grim expression on her face, but no surprise. That led him to conclude that she had already been made aware of Elizabeth's condition. Most likely Lord Jonathan had informed her.

Samuels, on the other hand, looked furious, and David wondered cynically if the man was put out because the queen had the gall to become ill just as he was bringing a great deal of political pressure to bear on her. Glaston, however, turned an unpleasant shade of green, which was more satisfying.

Richard Woolsey was pale as well, and inched closer to him, as though he wanted to speak to him. David turned his gaze away from the man. He had not forgotten the man's treachery the previous day, changing the agreed-upon compromise without informing anyone, and yet also keeping David's name on it to garner further support. That alone proved the man untrustworthy in David's eyes, but now was not the time to think of such things.

He raised his hand and the lords eventually quieted again. "Everything is being done to ensure her Majesty's recovery," David informed them. "There is also some good news. The Marquis of Hammond woke late last night, and is steadily improving. I have no doubt he will rejoin our number as soon as is feasible."

He stepped down from the dais. "Everyone needs to remain calm," he stated. "It is imperative that no one incite panic during this time, and that we keep everything running as smoothly as possible during her Majesty's illness."

The college disbanded quickly thereafter, following a succession of pleas to take their best wishes to the queen for her health. Most of the lords looked worried and grave. Still, given the recent actions of many in the college, David knew they would bear watching. The situation could change at any moment, and he needed to remain vigilant.

* * *

The awful heat of previous weeks had gone, but the weather on the island continued to be stormy. Heavy rain passed over the palace late in the afternoon, and a fog stretched over land and sea as night came on.

Master Loki sent Peter away from Lord Daniel's room around suppertime for some air. He had been sitting vigil over the duke all day. Peter had learned the previous day when he returned to the queen's chamber that she was ill. He spent the better part of the afternoon hovering in the antechamber until Beckett told him there was naught he could do for the queen, except pray.

Captain Lorne had promised that should the queen require any service, Peter would be sent for immediately. He'd wandered the castle until he found himself near Lord Daniel's rooms and decided if he could not be of material service to the queen, the least he could do was sit with her cousin. Peter had been born and raised in Langford, and the duke was the reason Peter served Queen Elizabeth at all. With the palace so preoccupied with the queen, someone owed the Duke of Langford at least this much courtesy.

Lord Daniel had not woken in nearly two full days now. His breathing, which had been horribly loud the night before, had settled during the day, and Peter's heart had clenched in his chest as he realized Daniel lay dying before him.

He went to the dining hall. Every head had turned to Peter when he walked in, but he had no news to offer. Reluctantly he ate his meal in silence. No one seemed to have much of an appetite. Master McKay sat nearby, poking at his bowl rather than consuming it with his usual enthusiasm.

Peter was unused to idleness. Since last winter, after he had accepted the position as the queen's personal secretary, he had known few unoccupied hours. Most mornings he rose at the same time as the queen, and did not get to bed until after she was finished for the day. Aside from Lady Laura and Lady Katherine and the captain of the guard, Peter was with the queen the most. It felt unnatural to have not seen her for days.

Knowing it was futile, he made his way to the queen's chambers. One look at the guards standing nearby told him all, but he entered the room anyway.

His inquiries received the reply he expected. Peter attempted not to let his frustration show, but the door opened and Lady Katherine stepped out to summon a servant to fetch food for herself and Beckett. She caught sight of him and offered a wan smile. "I'm afraid there is little change."

"Has she wakened at all?"

Kate sighed. "She was in and out of consciousness this afternoon, long enough to inquire if there was news. I was able to tell her Lord George is recovering."

"Did that cheer her any?" Peter asked anxiously.

"Some, though she asked about Lord Daniel as well."

Peter looked away. "There has been no change, but I fear it may only be a matter of hours."

The silence seemed to grow heavier. Kate glanced at the floor and then straightened. Peter noticed she was holding two folded pieces of paper in her hand. "Peter, will you do something for me?"

"Anything," he said with alacrity.

Kate held out the papers. "Carson and I have each written to Laura. She is... indisposed at the moment and unable to attend the queen in person." Peter had been wondering about this strange circumstance. The rumor in the palace was that Lady Laura was perhaps sick herself. "Would you bring these to her for us?"

"Of course, my lady." Peter took the notes willingly. It was good to feel useful, even if it was only a matter of a few steps down the hallway.

"And if..." Kate had to steady herself for a moment. "Should there be news of Lord Daniel..."

Peter swallowed. "I will come here first," he promised.

* * *

Laura's days now seemed dreadfully long, filled with nothing to do and everything to worry about. After parting with Kate on the morning of Elizabeth's collapse, the only people she had seen were the servants who brought her food. As a result, she had caught up on all the mending and sewing that always seemed to be forgotten when things were busier, and her chambers were as clean as they had been the morning Kate and Elizabeth had proudly shown her and Carson where they would begin their married life.

Now that memory was painful, knowing she was shut out from helping her two dearest friends. It did not help that she was merely down the hall from Elizabeth's chambers. Every noise in the corridor made her jump. Several times she had gone to the door and only just stopped herself from opening it. To be so close yet so cut off was driving her mad.

In the afternoon on the second day, the immense tiredness came over her again and she curled up on her bed and fell asleep. She had not slept much the night before due to worrying. Unfortunately, when she awoke, it was nearly dark and she did not feel refreshed. Instead she felt quite wretched. She had one panicked moment of thinking that she has contracted the fever after all, but then she remembered why she was cloistered.

With a sigh, she stood from the bed, only to grab her head as dizziness overwhelmed her. She just barely made it to the screened corner of the room where she could be sure of vomiting into something instead of on the floor.

It took some time over the noises of the sickness for her to hear the knock at the door. "Just a moment," she called when her stomach had ceased rebelling entirely.

Master Grodin was at the door to her bedchamber. He looked alarmed. "My lady, are you all right? Do I need to send for–" No doubt he had been about to suggest her husband but he remembered that Carson had his hands full at the moment and checked himself. "A physician?"

"No, thank you, Peter," she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Peter was not ill, but Laura did not approach him, mindful of her promise to Carson. "I do not believe this illness is one a doctor could treat." Her heart beat wildly for a moment with hope. She had not become nauseous last time, and while it was the antithesis of a pleasant sensation, Laura believed it had to be a good sign.

Peter was eyeing her curiously. "Forgive my impertinence, my lady, but are you with child?"

Laura offered Peter a small smile. "We have not been entirely sure, Peter, though this seems to be further proof."

"And this is the reason you have not been with the queen," Peter surmised. "I had wondered."

Laura nodded, holding a kerchief to her mouth for a moment. "I am unsurprised. My absence down the hall is probably fueling all manner of speculation." Her stomach cramped again, but in this case Laura suspected it was not from pregnancy but guilt. Peter looked apologetic, but she waved it off. Court gossip was a fact of existence, even in times such as these. Then her eye caught on something white that Peter held in his hand.

He noticed and came close enough to hold out the folded papers. "Your husband and Lady Katherine asked me to deliver these to you on my way. They knew you would be anxious for news."

"Is there any?" she asked, even as she clutched her letters.

He shook his head. "There has been little change today. I assume you knew Lord George woke last night, and that the college has been informed?"

She nodded, for the maid had told her as much earlier. "Lord Daniel?"

Peter looked grim. "It will probably not be long now."

Laura's heart clenched. It seemed impossible for Daniel to be gone. He had been a constant presence in her life as long as Laura had lived in Atlantis.

Peter seemed to guess her wish for privacy and soon departed. Laura moved to the chair before the fire and opened her letters eagerly.

_My love –_

_I am sorry I have no news to report. The queen has been awake some this afternoon, and she seems more in possession of her faculties than did her cousin at this stage, but I cannot allow myself to take anything for granted. She has not eaten much and the fever continues to keep her in its grip._

_My one consolation is that you are safe. Write to me, even if it is just a few lines, to tell me how you fare. Know that my heart is with you even though I cannot come to you myself._

_I love you._

_Carson._

Laura resolved immediately to go to the desk in the other room as soon as she had finished Kate's letter and write back to her husband. Kate's letter was longer than Carson's had been.

_Dearest Laura –_

_I hope you are well enough through these long days. I wish you here with all my heart but do not let guilt weigh upon you. Elizabeth would never allow you to endanger a child on her behalf and I find myself clinging to the hope that your isolation will protect you and the baby. It may be the one good thing to come of this._

_Elizabeth has been awake some this afternoon. I am sure Carson will inform you of her condition. She is not through the worst yet, and Carson looks grave when she goes longer periods without waking._

_She asked after you once. I did not speak to her of your pregnancy. I merely said you had stepped out to fetch something. She drifted off again shortly thereafter and did not bring the subject up again._

Laura felt tears well up in her eyes regardless of Kate's injunction not to feel guilty. She could not help it. Her place was at the queen's side, and the thought of her dear friend asking for her without answer made the tears wash down her cheeks for a moment before she could contain them enough to continue reading.

_Pray for her and for us, Laura. Keep safe and care for yourself and your child, and hope that we will all be together again soon._

_Love,  
Kate_

For a few moments Laura could do nothing but cry. Her heart ached and she wanted to bolt from the room and run down the hall and demand admittance to the place where all her thoughts now centered. The impulse fortunately lasted only a short while. She wiped her face and managed to compose herself enough to cross into the other room with the lamp. She sat at the desk and wrote out letters of her own, doing her best to sound positive and happy, though she suspected both her husband and friend would see through her efforts easily.

When she had finished, there was a knock on the door, and she let the servant in. The smell of the food the maid carried made Laura's stomach turn over a bit, but she ignored it. They went back into the bedchamber and Laura was glad when the maid said nothing about cleaning up after Laura's sickness. The girl was slightly green when she left but she held her tongue.

"This is all right," Laura told herself, sinking into her husband's chair by the fire. She turned away from the tray of food for the moment as her nausea returned. Carrying a child meant changes to the body, and a woman with child might be ill like this for weeks.

She pressed her hand against her belly and sighed. "How can you be so troublesome already?" she asked, though she was not terribly annoyed. As long as the child was healthy, she could withstand a great deal.

But underneath her fears for Elizabeth lingered Laura's own worries about this child, ones that went beyond its well-being. The pain of childbirth alarmed her somewhat, but what to do afterward was an even greater challenge. She loved her own mother dearly but had been away from her for most of her life. She and Kate and Elizabeth had not had much of a maternal figure in their lives. Some of the women in court had borne children but Laura had only dealt with them in passing. She felt as though standing on the edge of a foreign country. She had thought of children in the abstract before, but the prospect of actually having one to care for was daunting.

She had been so distracted by concerns of being barren, she had not thought much beyond that until now. What if she could bear a child but could not be a mother? Where would she go for help?

If Carson knew where her thoughts were wandering, he might laugh and chide her for worrying so much. Even if he were nervous about becoming a father, he would rightly point out that there was not much to be gained from it now, when the child was more than half a year away from a need for parenting. They had plenty of time to ask for guidance.

Given how eager people had been to offer unsolicited opinions on the wedding, Laura suspected once it was known she was pregnant, she would quickly have her fill of advice on this new challenge.

She could do this, she told herself. She had once thought she could not make a suitable wife, but day by day she had learned. Surely she could learn to be a good mother too.

Now, if she could just have her friend and queen well and have her husband back, the world might feel righted again. Determinedly, Laura pulled the tray nearer and began to nibble on her food.

A few moments later she dashed for the screen again, cursing in between breaths.  



	3. Measure Every Grief (3/5): stargate_ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, this is the part that earns the story its 'R' rating, so watch out where you read this.

Peter passed his evening in the chair near Lord Daniel's bed. The duke's face had lost much of the redness from the fever and now looked pale and drawn. Peter forced himself not to think of it as an effigy. There was no sound in the room save the crackle of the tiny fire and Daniel's low breathing.

Master Loki departed after Peter returned, to check on Lord George and the other patients briefly. Peter was alone with Daniel, though a nurse was outside in case of any change. That seemed rather hopeless. Peter stared at the fireplace, wondering what would happen should the nation lose both Daniel and the queen, how the insurrection – for he felt it could not be called by any more polite name – by the college would affect the government should Elizabeth recover fully. Difficult work and much pain seemed to be before them at every turn, and Peter felt as if he had aged ten years in the months since Solstice and his arrival in Atlantis.

"Peter."

He must have dozed off, for when he moved his neck protested the angle it had been at on the back of the chair. Across the room, Master Loki was asleep on the small sofa which rested on the far side of the fireplace. Peter did not remember him returning.

It took a long moment for Peter to realize he had not imagined the sound of his name. He turned to find Daniel looking at him through heavy eyes.

Peter remained frozen in his chair, not convinced he could believe it, until he saw Daniel lick his lips and attempt to speak again. "Peter, what is happening?"

So great was his shock that when he jumped up, he knocked the chair over. "My lord!"

He was at the bedside in an instant, and the door opened swiftly as the nurse hurried into the room. Both she and Master Loki descended upon the bed swiftly. "Master Grodin? Oh my!" The woman put a hand to her breast as Daniel's head turned to look at her.

Daniel struggled to speak and the nurse hastened to bring him some water. The effort of drinking seemed to exhaust him but Peter felt hope springing up within him. The Asgard priest hovered over Daniel for some minutes while Peter watched as the little man and the nurse examined Daniel carefully.

The duke seemed sleepy but cognizant of his surroundings. He asked what day it was and looked alarmed to discover it had been so many days since he had fallen ill.

He was drifting to sleep again but to Peter now it was clear this was a healthy rest, not the terrible stillness of earlier. Master Loki beckoned Peter away from the bed. "Master Grodin, please inform Dr. Beckett that Lord Daniel has revived and that his life is out of danger." Even the normally reserved Asgard could not keep the joy out of his voice.

Peter spun about and ran for the door, intent on delivering this stunning news to the queen's chamber with all speed.

* * *

It was well into the night when Carson came out of the queen's bedchamber. Marcus raised his eyebrows but Carson shook his head. The doctor went to the small washroom off the chamber, which had been fitted out for his and Kate's use, since neither of them would repair more than a few feet from the queen's bedside just now.

He returned a few minutes later, wiping his damp face with a towel. "She is in a heavy sleep, much as Lord Daniel was. I do not think it is bringing her any rest," Carson said sadly.

"Kate?"

"She is asleep on the cot." The night before Marcus had sent servants to bring a cot to the queen's chamber. There was a sofa in the room but it was too small to be comfortable, and Kate needed to keep her strength up.

Carson looked at him critically. "As you should be yourself, Marcus."

He shrugged, leaning back against the couch with his arms folded over his chest. "I would rather hover here than lie in my bed uselessly."

Carson refrained from pointing out that hovering idly would not actually help Elizabeth either. Marcus had gone to his own room the night before for a few hours, though he had not gotten any real rest. Even though it had been just steps across the hall, it had left him feeling cut off. He didn't envy Laura, waiting down the corridor helplessly all this time.

Carson sat down next to Marcus. His shoulders were hunched and he drew a folded piece of paper from his pocket and read it again. After a moment he looked up and Marcus asked gently, "Laura is well?"

"Well enough, I suppose," Carson said. "She was sick to her stomach this evening."

"I am no expert on childbearing but is that not a fairly common symptom?" Kate had quietly informed him of Laura’s condition when it became apparent that Laura would not be attending Elizabeth through the illness.  


"Aye," Carson replied, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "It is a good sign, uncomfortable though it may be for her. I just wish I could be there to soothe her through this. Last time I was able to help, but now..."

Marcus sat still as stone for a long minute before the doctor seemed to realize what he had just said. Marcus could barely raise his voice above a whisper. "Carson, do you mean to say that Laura was pregnant before?"

"Damn it. You must not tell anyone, Marcus, especially not Kate or the queen. Laura has not told them yet."

Carson looked so frantic that Marcus just nodded. He thought back over the time since the wedding in the spring. "When?"

Carson looked at the fireplace. "In Neill."

He remembered Laura's illness, though at the time his mind had been more occupied with the collapse of his courtship of Kate. "I didn't know," he said uselessly. He'd had no notion that Laura's illness had been anything particular at the time. Now he felt angry at himself for not being more considerate of her and Carson.

"She didn't wish anyone to know," Carson said quietly. "She spoke to her mother, I think, but we've hardly spoken of it between ourselves since."

Marcus leaned forward. "This was why you sent her away from the queen, wasn't it."

Carson nodded. "A few days ago, when I realized how deadly the fever was proving to be, I made Laura swear to me she would keep herself safe. We were not even sure that she was pregnant again, but I could not bear the thought of her becoming ill."

There was an awkward pause as Carson's lips trembled. He put his head in his hands, and Marcus put a comforting arm across Carson's shoulders. The doctor was exhausted from days of hard work, but he suspected that was not the only reason for this breakdown. Although Marcus could empathize, he could not truly understand what it must have been like for the man to know his own wife had been so ill and he had been powerless in the face of it. The situation would have been all the worse for Carson, the queen's personal physician.

Carson's voice was muffled by his hands. "I know it pains her to be separated from Elizabeth right now, but I would rather she suffer that than risk the baby or her own health."

"She knows that, Carson, I'm sure of it."

The other man wiped his eyes hastily. "I just need Laura safe," he repeated lowly.

Marcus patted his back, feeling a bit awkward. He was not accustomed to comforting people, other than Kate and the queen.

Before either of them could speak further, there were sounds of footsteps rushing down the hallway. Marcus stood up, his stomach clenching with dread as the guard in the hall admitted Master Grodin. Carson also rose and Marcus knew the doctor was bracing himself for the news. Though he was confused why Peter would run to tell them that Lord Daniel had succumbed when the event was not unexpected.

"He's awake!" Peter blurted out, between gasping for breath. "Lord Daniel, he has wakened."

"What? When?" Carson hurried forward.

Peter recounted the events of the last quarter hour, how he had been dozing near the bed when Lord Daniel had called out. "Master Loki said he is out of danger," Peter said.

Marcus stared at Carson for a moment, hardly able to wrap his mind around this great turn of events.

Carson's expression cleared a moment later. "I must go to Lord Daniel's chambers and examine him myself, and speak to Master Loki. We will review every aspect of his treatment. It may be the key to saving the queen lies in this miracle."

Carson hastened away with Peter. Marcus turned to the other door, wondering if he should wake Kate to tell her or let her sleep. However the door opened a moment later and Kate peeked out. "Marcus?"

He beckoned her and Kate cast one swift glance over her shoulder at Elizabeth's bed before stepping outside. She was uncharacteristically rumpled, her dress and hair disordered from sleep. Marcus had only seen her so a few times before, and the sight struck him with surprising force now. He remembered how she looked that day in Athos last fall, the first time he had kissed her, when he had confessed his feelings and discovered they were returned. He had to remind himself that he no longer had the right to reach out and bring her into his arms, though he ached with sudden fierceness to do just that.

With effort, he put his feelings aside and drew her near to the fireplace. "There is good news, Kate. Lord Daniel has awakened."

Kate covered her mouth in shock. "Truly?"

He nodded. "Master Grodin just came to tell us. Carson has gone with him to confer with Master Loki."

She looked a little dizzy for a moment and Marcus reached out on pure instinct, in case she lost her feet. She braced herself against the mantle, however, and he pulled his hand back before he could touch her.

"I must write a note to Laura. Will you have one of your men give it to her? Slip it under the door, though, in case she sleeps. I will send messengers to Lord George and my father... and Jack."

"Kate, let me take care of that. Go write to Laura."

She shot him a grateful glance and then retired to the other room. Marcus went to the door to summon a messenger, feeling hopeful for the first time in two days.

* * *

Daniel had awakened into a nightmare. That was the only explanation he could find for the situation that greeted his recovery. In the few days he had been ill, it seemed everything had fallen apart.

They kept the worst of the news from him during the morning. Daniel wondered why it was that Carson was not attending to him, and why Elizabeth had not come to see him yet, but it was not until after noon that he noticed a tension and sadness in everyone who came and went from his room.

Finally, he asked Peter flat out what was wrong. Master Loki objected, but Peter sank into the chair at Daniel's bedside and told him that Elizabeth was gravely ill. She had been lucid yesterday but her condition had been deteriorating ever since. Beckett was refusing to leave her side for more than a few minutes for fear of any change for the worse.

Daniel honestly feared for a moment he might lose consciousness; all the air seemed to be gone from his lungs and he could not draw breath.

His immediate impulse was to rise and go to his cousin, but he was effectively quelled by the doctor and his own dizziness. Grumbling, he laid back in his bed and noticed that Peter was still not meeting his eyes.

"Peter."

"My lord?"

"Tell me the rest," he ordered.

Peter startled momentarily, then his shoulders slumped. With a mix of sadness and fury, Peter told him that Lord George had also been ill, and his recovery was not proceeding as well as it should be. Peter recounted the rebellion of the college of lords that had taken place after Lord George had fallen ill, how the queen had been insulted and belittled by the nobles and then betrayed during an attempt at compromise.

Woolsey. And Jack.

Daniel spent the better part of an hour asking Peter questions, but always it boiled down to the same thing. Jack had stood publicly against Elizabeth, had openly thwarted her will and her rule, at the most vulnerable moment imaginable, when Elizabeth had neither himself nor Lord George to counsel her or help in managing the college.

Peter finally departed to see to some things. Daniel lay still, trying to gain control of himself. But he could not tear his mind from Peter's account of events and fate took the matter out of his hands, for there was a knock upon the door and Jack came into the room.

His old friend looked relieved as he approached the bed, but his expression darkened when he caught sight of Daniel's face.

Daniel glanced towards the nurse and Master Loki. "Leave us."

The Asgard complied, but before going he said to Jack, "Lord Daniel needs rest. He must not overexert himself." There was a clear warning in the words, but Daniel did not care.

When the door was shut and they were alone, Jack stood expectantly. Daniel waited for something, anything, any acknowledgment or admission, but none came. Finally he spat out, "How could you?"

Jack winced. "I thought I was protecting the country," he said quietly.

"By violating your oath to Elizabeth?" Daniel snapped.

"I didn't..." Jack sighed. "I believed I was protecting her, protecting her reign."

"How in the world is sharing secret information in order to subvert the queen's authority _protecting_ anyone?" Daniel was all but yelling now, and he sat upright in the bed, ignoring the way his head spun.

"You were with me when the Ori came, and you saw with your own eyes what the Goa'uld can do to an enemy when they choose," Jack replied, slightly angered. "I would do almost anything to prevent Atalan from being caught unawares as we were with the Ori." He held up a hand before Daniel could speak. "I know now that there are other considerations. I know that Elizabeth may very well never forgive me for what I did, but I was on my way to beg her forgiveness when we found her unconscious."

The reminder of Elizabeth's illness only served to turn Daniel's stomach over. "And you think merely asking pardon will be enough, after you openly defied and humiliated her?"

He shook his head. "I know it will not be so easy."

Daniel looked away. "It may very well be impossible. I have no idea how the queen could forgive anyone, even me, after such actions. And to pick that moment, when she was without any other advisor, for your little revolt against her authority –"

Jack's hands were clenched and his voice was tight. He seemed to be struggling greatly to hold on to his temper, probably due to Master Loki's injunction. "Daniel, the mistakes I made have already been pointed out to me several times, by many people. There is no need for you enumerate them."

"It's unfortunate you did not think to check yourself before you could make such mistakes. As usual, Jack, you were convinced your way was the only correct one and everyone else be damned. And this time the cost may be the country."

Jack shook his head, but his face paled. "We don't know that."

Daniel's temper snapped and he stood up, wobbling uncertainly. For a moment Jack seemed about to reach out and steady him. Daniel spoke before he could move. "My cousin may be dying at this moment, Jack, and your betrayal of her may have hastened the end!"

"Daniel –" Jack's voice was low and held a warning tone he had heard many times before. Usually it made Daniel check himself, but he couldn't contain the anger boiling within him. Elizabeth's rule over the country was weakened and she herself lay in terrible danger. Daniel had not been there for her as he had promised, though he knew that was through no fault of his own. But the man he trusted and called his friend, bound by the same oaths, had been there, and Jack had let all of them down. Beyond that, he had not only _not_ protected Elizabeth, he had acted to hurt her. Of all the questionable things Daniel had seen his old friend do, this was both the worst and most shocking.

His voice cut across the tension in the room. "No, Jack. You failed not only Elizabeth this time. You failed Lord George, King Edmund, and you failed me." Misery was written across the other man's face, but somehow it only fed Daniel's rage. Fear for Elizabeth and the country were so strong in him, guilt and lingering pain from the illness eating at him, he had to do something, and before him was one person he could blame for it all. Goaded beyond measure, he lashed out with the sharpest words he could think of. "I never thought I would see you turn traitor for any reason, least of all your own ego."

Jack's jaw dropped open and Daniel fully expected the argument to continue, but Jack snapped his mouth shut, spun on his heel and left the room without another word. Part of Daniel wanted to call him back, make Jack stand and take all the abuse Daniel could pour out until he could think clearly again, but the door stood open in Jack's wake, and Daniel suddenly could not stay upright. He fell, his body landing only half on the bed, and a moment later he slid to the floor, his weak legs unable to support him. His vision swam nauseatingly and cold sweat broke out over his body.

He heard the nurse exclaim in alarm and hands helped him up and back into the bed. Master Loki clucked angrily over him, but Daniel's thoughts were far away. He wondered if, in addition to the entire country being at risk, he had just destroyed one of the most important friendships of his life.

* * *

Late in the evening Sarah left Lord David and the matters of state they were attempting to deal with. Only matters of gravest importance were being addressed now. Anything that could wait would until the queen was recovered.

She was relatively low-ranking, but Sarah had quickly learned that right now, trust was more important than experience. Though Lord David had initially seemed to be a moderate in the arguments over the army and navy, it was clear that he was now siding firmly with the queen's allies, chiefly with Teyla. Sarah had, at least, proven herself loyal to the queen even if the circumstances made her uncomfortable.

In the back of her mind, she felt guilty over how she was being brought in, for it happened as Jack was being shut out. Jack was facing the consequences of his actions, but that did not make the situation more palatable to Sarah.

She was glad for her connections, however, when a breathless page interrupted her conference with Lord David to inform them that Daniel had awoken at last. After days of believing that Daniel was about to breathe his last, it was an immense relief to know that he was indeed out of danger. Sarah would have gone to visit him, but she knew that he probably needed rest and quiet now more than ever. Instead, she decided she would see Jack, who would almost certainly be able to tell her more of Daniel's condition.

It was late in the evening when she finally escaped business and sought Jack out. She was not surprised to find him in his bedchamber, but she was caught off-guard by how somber he looked as he stood by the empty fireplace. "Jack," she said, "have you not heard the news?"

He looked at her sharply as she closed the door behind herself. "Has the queen's condition changed?"

Sarah shook her head. "I was speaking of Daniel."

At the name of his friend Jack's expression closed off completely and Sarah's alarm rose. "Did something happen to him? I heard his fever broke –"

"I do not want to talk about him," he interrupted, turning away from her and leaning heavily on the mantlepiece.

Sarah crossed the room to stand beside him. "Jack, what happened?" she asked in amazement. He did not move, and Sarah concluded that Daniel's health was not the issue. If Daniel had been awake and Jack had seen him, what would have been the outcome of such a meeting? She knew enough of Daniel to guess he would not take news of his cousin's illness calmly, to say nothing of Jack's actions in the college. "Did you argue with him?"

"Sarah, I beg you," Jack fired back. "You are the only part of my life that is not on the razor's edge now. Please, do not make me defend myself to you as well!"

When his gaze met hers he looked nearly wild with anger and fear and confusion. She brushed his cheek with her fingertips for a moment before letting her hand fall back to her side. "Jack," she said quietly, "what do you want?"

There was a moment then that seemed to stretch out like a rope pulled too taut. She remembered months ago when he'd told her he was better at doing than talking.

With one hand he grabbed the back of her head, kissing her so hard that their teeth clicked. Sarah let out a surprised sound but it was no deterrence. Jack's fingers were toying with her curls and his mouth was quickly driving every thought from her head. Sarah had never felt his desperation like this. Though she knew he was trying to distance and distract himself from other problems, she couldn't help her reaction to his advances. A thrill went down her spine and she kissed him back eagerly.

When she threaded her fingers through his hair, Jack groaned and grabbed her hip with his free hand. She thought he would pull her closer, but instead he propelled her backward through the room till she collided with something hard. He let his mouth trail down her throat, and when he bit down at the curve of her neck, she moaned, gripping the edge of the table she was now pinned against.

It should have frightened her, Sarah thought as Jack unlaced the surcote she wore over a skirt and loose blouse. He was always so damned gentle with her, even the other day when she had seized in fear when he touched her. This was not his usual way with her, but even now as he tugged at her clothes, ridding her of the surcote and pulling the blouse over her head, she did not object. She gasped and arched her body toward him as his mouth closed around her breast, even through layers of undergarments.

She parted her legs slightly, letting him step closer, and she could feel his arousal. For her own part, her body was aching for him already. He moved to her other breast; with one hand she still held the table's edge, but with her other she touched him, lightly scratching the back of his neck. He bit her nipple and Sarah cried out his name.

Jack was breathing harshly when he pulled away from her breasts, planting his hands on either side of her on the table. "You should go," he said lowly, a pained quality to his voice.

He was right, of course. This was enormously improper and with the general upheaval in the palace, it was more likely, not less, that they would be caught by some servant or page or lord coming to give Jack news at any hour. Still, he wanted her, maybe even needed her, and she knew that she could help him, give him something to hold on to while everything else was falling apart.

More than that, she wanted him just as badly.

As soon as her mind was decided, a rush of terrible memories began to build up, but she pushed that away. Osiris had taken many things from her, but he could not take Jack from her unless she let him. So she cupped Jack's face and pulled him close to whisper in his ear.

"Take me to bed, Jack. Tell me to stay."

He drew back to look at her in wonder for a moment. Then they were kissing and touching, hastily undressing each other as they made their way across the room. When Sarah landed on the bed, Jack stopped and knelt before her, grimacing a little. Gently, though, he untied her garters and slid her stockings down her long legs. His touch as he removed the last of her garments made her shiver.

He climbed onto the bed with her, and before long they had settled more or less comfortably, Jack with his head on the pillows and caressing her as she knelt over him. He touched her face, drawing her closer, and he said lowly, "I love you."

It was not what she had asked him to say, she thought irreverently as their bodies began to rock together, but it was close enough.

* * *

Jack had never forgotten the last time he awoke with his wife. It had been early in the morning, the sunlight streaming into their bedchamber in the mountaintop fortress in Neill. They had talked of things past and of their plans for the future. Every time he left her he had resolved not to be away so long the next time, but just as he was making plans to return to his family, he got word. There had been an accident. She had died quickly. By the time he came home again, she was already buried and his relationship with his son had begun to deteriorate.

He doubted he would ever forget this time he woke either, but he desperately hoped that it would not be the last time he woke with Sarah Gardner in his bed.

She was lying on her side, her body stretched out alongside his and her arm across his stomach. There was a peacefulness to her expression which Jack had not often seen in her. When they had met in the spring, she was too recently free of her long nightmare to be truly at ease, and he was distracted by his concerns for the country's safety.

With a sigh, he looked away, staring up at the ceiling. It seemed that he had never allowed those concerns to abate, but that was not the true source of his troubles now. In one way or another, it had been expressed to him a number of times. He had dismissed Elizabeth's opinion as emotional and hasty when his own was no better. He had assumed Sarah could not withstand the scrutiny of the court, when she had withstood far worse. He had broken faith with his friends and Elizabeth might now be paying the price with more than her reputation.

Most of the time now, he hoped that he would wake up and find that none of this had happened.

Sarah began to stir, her hand skimming up from his stomach to rest on his chest. Gently Jack squeezed her fingers, and she kissed his shoulder. "How long were we asleep?" she asked.

"A few hours. It's just after midnight." At her confused look, he added, "The watch changed a little while ago."

She sighed, her breath warm against his neck. "I should go."

It was Jack's turn to frown. "I thought you wanted to stay."

"Were we anywhere but Atlantis," she confessed. "But someone could come looking for you."

"Let them," he growled, turning and leaning in to suckle on the delicate skin just below her earlobe.

She gasped as he gently pushed her to her back, settling over her. In the morning he knew they would come to their senses and acknowledge that this could not happen again, not until they had decided what the future held for them, but for now he had her in his bed and wanted to spend this night focused on nothing save her body and their mutual pleasures and desires.

His mouth trailed down her stomach and his tongue flicked her navel, causing her to draw in a sharp breath, but her resistance was not completely gone yet. "And what if your son came looking for you?"

Annoyed, he altered his course, resting his arms on either side of her head and staring down at her. "Damn you," he muttered playfully, kissing her and biting her lower lip lightly.

She ran her hands up his chest and narrowed her eyes at him. "Love you too," she said dryly.

She didn't object, though, when he resumed kissing her, or when his hands wandered down her body, or when his fingers began to tease her. She was trembling and clinging to him in short order, her cry muffled by his mouth, hot and insistent against hers. Then he was moving inside her, and Jack could think of nothing beyond Sarah, her arms and legs wrapped around him and so much soft, warm skin.

They were mostly still and quiet for a long time after he was spent. Jack looked at the blissful expression on his lover's face and knew that this was far more than a night of comfort and distraction for him, and more than the first time of Sarah choosing a lover for herself. It would be difficult to deny himself this pleasure in the future, now that he knew what it was like to share her bed. However, the risks involved would not change.

"I really ought to go," she said to him, her voice husky.

This time he did not object. "Let me help you dress."

He put on his dressing gown while she pulled her undergarments on, and then he helped with her corset and all the laces. She was almost completely dressed again when he blurted out, "Sarah, are you still angry with me?"

She looked at him like he had lost his mind. "You have spent days not wishing to discuss this, but now you want to know?" she asked. "You are a strange man, Jack."

She moved away from him to sit and put her shoes on. "I'm sorry," he replied, causing her to look up at him in surprise. "I should have trusted your measure of yourself, what you knew you could cope with."

"Yes, you should have," she said bluntly. "And you should have tried to understand the queen's position instead of flailing against it wildly."

Jack crossed his arms over his chest and looked down. "I know. At this point I can only hope that she will wake and I will be able to beg her forgiveness."

Sarah nodded, and she walked up to him and kissed him lingeringly, a forgiveness granted without words. "Hope is a powerful thing."

She of all people would know, he mused as he saw her out of his chambers. He had little else but hope to anchor him now, but for the first time in days, he managed to sleep deeply when she was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

News from Atlantis was trickling out at a maddening pace, so as the fever in Athos began to wane, Teyla returned to the palace early in the morning, intent on learning what was really happening. She had no doubt that Lord David was fulfilling his duties well without her, but it was clear that communication with the mainland was not his highest priority now.

After leaving her traveling cloak and her gloves in her chambers, Teyla set out in search of answers. It was very early, but she made her way toward the queen's chambers, knowing that Kate and Carson were probably both awake.

To her surprise, she came upon Sarah Gardner on her way. "Sarah," Teyla called out, hastening to catch up to her and the other lady turned. "What news is there?"

"Of the queen?" Sarah asked, and Teyla nodded. "I have heard nothing since a little while after midnight."

Her curiosity piqued, Teyla asked, "What happened at midnight?"

Sarah looked away. "I... had some difficulty sleeping," she replied. "I walked past the queen's chambers and asked the guards if there had been any change in her condition."

Teyla nodded solemnly. "What else has happened? I did not hear much while I was in Athos."

"Not much, I fear, but some good," Sarah replied. "Daniel awoke yesterday. It seems he will survive this largely unscathed."

"I heard reports that he had relapsed."

The corners of Sarah's mouth tightened. "I believe he and Jack argued yesterday," she said. "Perhaps that caused him distress, but it would not have brought back the fever."

At the mention of Jack, Teyla bristled. "I suppose Lord Jonathan remains in excellent health."

"He is deeply troubled, Countess," Sarah replied, her expression hardening, "both by the results of his own folly and by everything else that has happened. Not the least of which is the queen's welfare."

Teyla wanted to point out that the queen's welfare might not be so dire had it not been for Jack's actions, but she held her tongue on that score. "Let us go to our sovereign, my lady."

"If we are let in," Sarah told her lowly. "I am not sure if it should be so, but Lady Katherine has kept nearly everyone away from her Majesty."

"I would not attempt to come between them now," Teyla remarked. "Kate can be as fierce as a lioness when it comes to protecting Elizabeth."

"I cannot blame her."

At the queen's door the guards allowed them into the antechamber, but Kate stepped out of the bedchamber and did not let them proceed further. She looked little like the lioness Teyla imagined her to be, for she was clearly utterly exhausted. Moved by her friend's weary appearance, Teyla stepped forward and embraced Kate. Kate was surprised at first but then hugged her tightly. "How is she?" Teyla asked, stepping back.

"There is no change," Kate said, her voice low and rough. "Carson has been alarmed, for the fever seems to be progressing faster in her than it did in her cousin."

"Perhaps that will bring her recovery sooner," Sarah replied gently.

Kate looked at Sarah for a moment, clearly not believing so. "Perhaps."

"Sarah and I are meeting with your father soon," Teyla said. "Is there any message you would have us convey to him?"

Kate bit her lip. "Give him my love, Teyla. There is little else to be said now."

"I will."

Teyla reached out and touched Kate's arm to comfort her one last time. Then the door to the bedchamber opened, revealing Marcus. Teyla was not surprised to learn that he too was keeping a vigil over the queen. She met his eyes for a moment and then looked back to Kate. "We are all praying for her."

Seemingly overcome, Kate kissed Teyla's cheek. Marcus gently guided her back into the room behind him, and Teyla looked to Sarah. "I do not envy them," Sarah said. "But we have work of our own to do."

Teyla took a deep breath before they moved toward the door. "Indeed."

* * *

Lord Daniel was resting, at the order of the Asgard, and Peter found himself once more without any tasks to occupy his time. News was trickling in from along the coast that the illness seemed to have peaked. Yet the island remained quiet and full of foreboding, still in the shadow of the queen's illness, at least metaphorically.

The clouds had parted around midday and as Peter wandered through the hallways, the afternoon sun beamed bright through the windows. He found himself near one of the parapets and saw that the trapdoor at the top of the stairs was open. Curious, he ascended to find Master McKay pacing back and forth aimlessly.

Peter suspected McKay had come here because the parapet overlooked the harbor and shipyard.

"Is there any news?" McKay asked as soon as Peter had climbed onto the parapet. It was the same question everyone was asking at every meeting.

"No change that I heard of," Peter said.

McKay leaned against the wall, arms folded across his chest. Peter stood not far away, looking over the harbor and the coast beyond it. Fall would be upon them soon. Even from here he could see fields inland that would soon be ready for harvest.

"I yelled at her," McKay blurted out, startling him.

"I beg your pardon?"

The shipwright looked uncomfortable. "The queen. The last time I saw her, I was yelling at her. I had just heard of the plan in the college to cease funding the navy project. I was trying to impress upon her the importance of my work for the safety of Atalan."

Peter remembered Elizabeth's harried countenance after that meeting, but he checked himself from telling McKay. It would do no good now anyway.

The other man sighed. "She knew that, of course. I know her Majesty is no fool." He shook his head, staring down at the yard, where the keel of a ship was visible through the frameworks. McKay's voice dropped. "I have accomplished more here in a year than I would have in a lifetime in Iolan, and I could not have done it without the queen's patronage. I owe her."

Peter did his best to be truthful while also comforting, for he knew McKay's attitude chafed Elizabeth's patience at the best of times. "I'm certain her Majesty knows you are grateful."

McKay nodded. "I just wish my last encounter with her had not gone as it did."

"Perhaps you should remember that, the next time you have the urge to yell at the queen," Peter pointed out. He couldn't restrain himself.

McKay rolled his eyes. "Possibly, though I know it is unlikely. I just wish there was something useful I could do."

Peter could understand that feeling all too well. "So do I." He smiled just a little. "I suspect you are not the type of man who prays?"

McKay snorted. "No, though I will spare you my lecture on the futileness of such endeavors."

"Thank you for that, at least," Peter replied dryly. Then he sobered. "I fear there is nothing to do now but pray, and wait."

"So we wait," McKay said, more to himself than to Peter.

The two of them stood there in silence as the sun sank and the day's light and heat faded away.

* * *

Having spent enough time lying in bed to satisfy Master Loki, Daniel was allowed to leave his room late in the afternoon. He could not bear confinement any longer, even if his progress through the corridors was slowed by his body's weakness.

He made his way to Lord George's chambers. Daniel felt it imperative that he and the marquis speak. Master Loki had looked grave when Daniel announced his intentions and then admitted to Daniel that the older gentleman was not recovering as well as the Asgard would like.

When Daniel settled into a chair at George's bedside, the truth of Master Loki's words was apparent. Though on the road to recovery longer than Daniel, George still looked pale and lacked the appearance of vigor Daniel was used to seeing in him. Sometimes Daniel forgot the other man was nearly twice his age. The Goa'uld, the Ori, the Wraith, Kinsey and a myriad of other forces had ensured those years were not quiet or easy.

Daniel knew better than to make more than a polite inquiry, though. Instead he settled in his seat and exchanged what bits of information he had with George. Neither of them had much more news than the other and soon Daniel was tapping his fingers restlessly on the arm of the chair.

"Two assassination attempts, that we know of for certain," he began reciting. "At least one attempt at kidnapping. Kinsey, the regency, all the various childhood illnesses she avoided. All of that and now..."

George sighed. "And now we are helpless."

"More so than ever before," Daniel muttered. "I cannot believe it has come to this."

He meant more than Elizabeth's terrible illness, of course, but George had only spoken of Jack in the most objective of terms. It seemed neither of them wanted to canvass that subject in detail just yet. Daniel was still too angry to be rational about it, and suspected he would remain so at least until Elizabeth was out of danger.

George sat up a little in the bed. "We have at least one factor on our side."

"What is that?"

"She is the daughter of King Edmund and Margaret of Langford. If ever there was a family lineage known for stubbornness..."

Daniel glared for a moment before he felt a laugh bubble up inside of him. It was silly but he let himself be comforted by the joke.

Unfortunately, George also laughed, then began to cough heavily. A nurse bustled in from the other room and brought him a cup of water to drink. Daniel felt his worry increase, but a baleful look from the older man kept him silent.

When the coughing had subsided, George sighed again. "Will you take your meal here, Daniel?" he asked with uncharacteristic quietness.

Daniel had no desire to be alone with his own thoughts again either. "Of course, my lord."

* * *

Kate was reasonably sure that the only person more exhausted than herself was Carson. He had not slept much before Elizabeth fell ill, due to the number of sick in the palace. Now Elizabeth was his only care, but he was relentless in watching over her, sleeping even less than Kate. There were moments she wondered if he believed he could keep Elizabeth alive by sheer force of will.

It was an admirable trait in a doctor, to be sure, but it was also directly responsible for his current state. He had lain down upon the cot at the foot of Elizabeth's bed, asking Kate to wake him in half an hour. However, more than two hours after he'd fallen asleep, there was no change in Elizabeth's condition and Kate had not the heart to wake him. At this point, there was little they could do for Elizabeth that Kate could not do by herself.

For a time she kept herself occupied, still trying to cool Elizabeth's body, but soon she got up from the bed, needing to stretch her legs a little. She herself was cold, but they dared not light a fire in the room while Elizabeth continued feverish. Instead, she quietly pulled one of her shawls from a trunk. She laid it out, though, before she would wear it, for the garments for cooler weather had not yet been aired recently.

She remembered packing away all the winter gowns and cloaks and shawls one day in the spring, not long after Laura's wedding. Though Elizabeth had been much occupied at the time, the simple ritual had kept her hands active. It was in idle moments when Kate had most worried about her friend. Elizabeth had nervous about the trip to Iolan, of course, but back then Kate suspected Elizabeth's thoughts had been in the south, where John had gone.

Kate knew that John had written to Elizabeth and had his cousin deliver a letter during the summit, but his absence had disappointed Elizabeth greatly, even hurt her. Lord Mitchell had told them of the destruction of one of Sheppard's cities, but Kate had no idea what John's letter had said. Elizabeth had not spoken of it beyond indicating John was detained unavoidably in Caldora, and had not shown Kate the letter itself. Had he asked forgiveness for not coming? Had he left Elizabeth with any assurances at all? Had he asked for a release from her service?

She shook her head as she paced. Elizabeth would have told her if John was never coming back. The queen had been withdrawn since that trip, and Kate knew her own behavior had been more formal and chilly after the reprimand Elizabeth had delivered over the breaking of her courtship with Marcus, but Kate was certain if Elizabeth had received such a request from John she would have told Kate and Laura. It could not be that.

Did Elizabeth even know for certain what John's feelings were? He had left Elizabeth with a kiss and, so far as anyone else knew, little else. A kiss in the heat of the moment did not mean that John loved her, or that he intended to return. The strain of living with such uncertainty had worn at Elizabeth for months.

So much had happened in so short a time. Laura's marriage, the trip to Iolan, the discovery of Simmons' treachery and Kinsey's guilt, Radek's proposal, the ongoing war in the south and the journeys to Langford, Heightmeyer and Neill, then the summit and now the heat wave and all that had occurred in the last few weeks. Had Elizabeth not succumbed to the fever, she would still have been exhausted and in dire need of rest.

Unfortunately, other than Kate and Laura, the one person who was most gifted at lifting Elizabeth's spirits was John of Sheppard, and John was gone. Laura had been as faithful as possible but her marriage had produced changes that were unavoidable. As she turned toward the bed once more, Kate knew she had allowed her romantic troubles and Elizabeth's censure to harm their friendship. She had not been as present for Elizabeth as she should have been these past few months. Before her lay the consequence for that neglect.

Though Kate had told others that the queen's condition remained the same, there had been a change today. A few hours ago, Elizabeth's breathing had been horribly labored. Kate and Carson had tried propping her up, turning her on her side, anything to ease the strain on her lungs. Nothing had seemed to help at the time, but now her breaths were quiet and still. Yet the change gave Kate no comfort. In fact, the stillness alarmed her. It seemed to her that Elizabeth was giving up.

Unable to stand silent and watch Elizabeth slipping away, Kate walked about the room once more. Her gaze fell on the desk, where Laura's most recent letter lay. She felt terrible for her friend, so isolated and so clearly miserable. Her symptoms seemed particularly wearisome, and more so while alone. Steadying herself, she went to the desk and wrote a brief note to Laura with a trembling hand. She did not want to alarm her friend, but Laura deserved to know what was going on. If this was the end, then... Then they all needed to prepare themselves.

Kate gave the message to one of the guards to deliver and she went back into the bedchamber. Everything around her, the furniture, the hangings on the walls, the bed and the way the light fell through the window and onto the carpet, all of it was achingly familiar. This had been her home for so long, Kate could hardly remember what it was to have any other.

Standing beside the bed, she lifted Elizabeth's hand, and then she knelt down. "Do you remember when we met, Elizabeth?" Kate asked, even though she knew Elizabeth could not hear. "You were so eager to meet Laura and me. You knew so few girls your age. I... I did not wish to come to Atlantis at all, but I was dreading it even more then. I did not want to be the arranged friend of a spoiled and selfish little princess. Not that you were, it turned out, but I was scared of what you might be like."

Kate sniffled for a few seconds, her throat constricting. "After your parents died, on your next birthday Daniel and Jack took us to the mainland. You were barely able to contain yourself. There was a little pool in a grove and they were teaching us to swim." She almost smiled at the memory. "Daniel was worried about taking us to a place so unguarded, but Jack declared he would not be responsible for drowning the princess in rough seas. It was such a beautiful day. I think it was the first time I'd been off the island since my mother brought me to interview with your mother. It was sunny and just warm enough for the water to be lovely. The whole place wasn't anything like home and I didn't care. It was just beautiful."

Her eyes began to fill with tears. "I remember Jack carrying Laura and me both out of the water after we'd nearly drowned each other," she continued. It seemed a little strange to talk about Jack now, after all that had transpired, but given their history with Jack it seemed stranger still to ignore the tremendous impact he'd had on their lives. "They didn't let us stay in the water the whole time we were there, but they let us play. We were lying there in the grass, drying out in the sun, and you held my hand. I couldn't believe that I had ever wanted to be somewhere else, that I'd hoped you would hate me so much that I would be sent home. I had stayed because it was my duty, but I think that was the first time I felt something more than duty. You were already so dear to me..."

By then Kate had tears rolling down her cheeks and her breaths were coming in gasps. "Elizabeth, _please_ ," she managed. "You are my best friend, dearer to me than a sister and more than just my sovereign. I cannot lose you."

She could no longer restrain herself and she began to weep. With Elizabeth's hand clutched between hers, Kate laid her head down upon the bed to muffle her sobs, until the door behind her creaked open.

* * *

  
Laura had become so desperate for occupation, she turned to hobbies she had not pursued in some time. She had even tried to draw, struggling to recall the lessons the governess had taught to her, Kate, and Elizabeth when they were younger. It hadn't gone well, but then, she'd never had much talent for the art to begin with.

She hadn't left these rooms in days. The morning sickness kept her occupied with her own misery at times, but other than that, she was stuck inside with nothing but her own thoughts to occupy her. The notes she received from Kate and Carson helped, but those were sporadic at best. Few other people approached her but the maid, which was good as it lessened the chance of illness reaching her, but it did not help her mental state.

As evening fell, she was ecstatic when a knock sounded upon the door. Looking across the room, she called eagerly, "Come in."

To her surprise, it wasn't one of the servants or Peter with a message for her, but Teyla. Laura quickly moved to stand up, but was waved down by the other woman.

"Laura," Teyla greeted warmly as she moved to sit down in another chair near to Laura's. "How are you?"

She smiled weakly. "As well as can be expected," she replied. "I confess I had not thought this nausea would be so constant, though I am not sure if that is unrelated to stress."

Teyla looked remorseful. "I did not know your condition when I left, or I would have brought back one of Charin's soothing teas. She was a midwife years ago and still keeps a store for the pregnant women in Athos. I will have some sent to you as soon as I am able."

Laura leaned back in the chair. "You might send Charin herself. I do not even know if we have a midwife on the island."

Teyla grinned a bit at that. "You do not trust your husband to care for the babe?"

Laura smiled. "I have full confidence in my husband knowing that in matters of pregnancy and childbirth, he should defer to someone who has vastly more understanding and experience than he does."

They laughed quietly, though Teyla's eyes strayed to the lamp on the table, and the fading light outside. She looked tired.  


"Are things still dire on the mainland?" Laura asked.

Teyla shook her head. "The fever seems to be burning itself out," she told her. "There have been no new cases, and most of those afflicted seem to be improving."

"That's good news," Laura murmured. The thought that if only such fortune could be extended to Elizabeth and those in the capital lay unspoken between them.

They talked a little more, and then Teyla had to leave. Undoubtedly she had business to attend, but Laura wished she could have stayed a little longer. Having someone to talk to certainly helped to while away the time.

Not long after Teyla left, however, there was a knock on the door and Laura blinked. She had been virtually alone for such a long time, now she felt unnaturally besieged. A guard stood in the corridor, a note in his hand, and after delivering it he left with only a silent nod.

Filled with a sudden dread, Laura closed the door and opened the message.

It was from Kate. She needed to make herself ready for the worst.

The nausea returned but Laura knew it was not her condition causing it. She was sick with fear and utterly drained as she leaned against the closed door. How was she to prepare herself? How was she to brace herself for the death of someone she loved so much?

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she made no effort to check them as she looked at the note again, thinking of poor Kate watching Elizabeth waste away. Laura was no longer certain which was worse, being kept away or being unable to leave. They needed to be together now, together with Elizabeth. They had always needed each other, and never more than they did now.

But she could not go to them, and that hurt all the more.

The dizziness returned, and Laura slid down to the floor. Knowing that nothing would ease the pain of what was to come, she pulled her knees to her chest and wept.

* * *

In the evening, Marcus left his appointed place for a brief time to see to duties he had put off the last few days. His lieutenant had done well but he could no longer ignore the fact that he had other responsibilities in the palace. Thankfully, his conversations with the watchmen and the sea captains who were in Atlantis now were brief. With all the rain, the seas were not calm, but the agitation would keep the Wraith from attacking in this vulnerable hour. It was the one thing that gave Marcus relief. He would not have to fear killing Elizabeth with a hasty escape from the palace.

It was the only thing he did not have to worry about, it seemed. On the way back to the queen's chambers, well after sunset, he wondered how much longer she could survive in this manner. Every time she had woken, Kate had gotten her to drink a little water, but it had not been much. She had not been eating well before the fever struck, and now she seemed to be fading away before their eyes.

The men standing guard opened the door to the antechamber for him, and Marcus proceeded into the bedchamber without knocking. What he saw made him stop in his tracks in terror.

Kate was on her knees at the side of the bed, her whole body shaking as she sobbed. Elizabeth's hand was clutched in both of hers. Upon his entry, she looked over her shoulder at him, but made no attempt to hide her distress. He had seen Kate in many unguarded moments over the years but never like this.

Marcus shut the door and hurried across the room. "Kate, tell me she is not..." He could not bring himself to utter the worst. He could barely make his voice work. He thought he had known how much Elizabeth meant to him, but in that moment, he was not sure how any of them would bear losing her.

Kate shook her head and kissed Elizabeth's fingers, usually a gesture of obeisance when the queen wore the ring signifying her authority. Now it seemed more anguished than anything else. "She has not woken today, Marcus," Kate managed to say, her voice cracking. "She is slipping away, and there is nothing I can do."

Without hesitation, or even wondering if he should be so bold, Marcus took hold of Kate's hand. She looked up at him and he helped her stand. For a long moment they only stared at each other. He wondered what to say, how to tell her that he shared her despair, a tightness in his chest that had not abated since he'd discovered the queen unconscious. That he too felt powerless, unable to fulfill the vows he'd sworn to Elizabeth.

Then Kate melted against him, and he knew he could at least comfort her. He wrapped his arms around Kate, and they clung to each other.

She started to cry against his chest, and he stroked her hair gently. It was a mess, having been braided some days ago but not seen to since. In those days something strange seemed to have happened between them, too. The ugly things they had said to each other in Neill still echoed in his mind, but the ultimatum she had issued seemed as though it were from another lifetime. With a common goal now, they had worked together seamlessly, something he would have thought impossible just days before.

Kate took a deep breath, and Marcus bowed his head to speak to her softly. "You haven't failed her, Kate," he murmured.

Her lip trembled. "Marcus, I don't know what I would do without her."

"I know." That was as far as he trusted his voice now. He remembered Kate's resolution not to remove herself from Elizabeth and the things he had accused her of. It was too painful to think that he had scorned a love and devotion that he shared with a depth he had not truly understood until now.

He guided Kate over to the small sofa not far from Elizabeth's bed, and there they sat down. As Kate leaned against him, Marcus finally noticed that Carson was asleep on the cot at the foot of the bed. The exhaustion of the last few days must have taken hold at last, and Marcus could sympathize. No sooner had he sat down than weariness began to overtake him.

He would have fought it off, but Kate's head was on his shoulder and her hand on his chest, and he could not bring himself to stay awake. The last thing he saw was the bed, where Elizabeth lay quiet and still before them.

* * *

When Kate awoke, she opened her eyes for a long moment and then closed them again, turning her face toward Marcus' neck. The hand on her back moved downward, and she realized that bright sunlight was streaming into the room. She had slept through the night for the first time since Elizabeth had fallen ill.

She was also more or less on top of Marcus, she realized, an arm around his shoulders and a leg between his. One of his hands was on her back while the other rested on her hip. Though she was fully clothed, she thought this might be more awkward and improper than the evening in Athos. There was certainly no medical reason for it this time.

Kate began to wonder how in the world she was going to remove herself from him without waking him, as she was not keen on having him wake with her draped over him like this. Before she could do anything to that end, the hand on her hip slowly drifted upward, pulling her closer.

He inhaled deeply and Kate lifted her head just in time to see his eyes open. He looked confused for a moment but that cleared away quickly. She could have sworn that he was the one blushing this time, though only a little, and she moved herself to a more decorous position. He let her go, but immediately she missed the warmth and comfort.

Before either of them said anything, there was a noise from the bed, and Kate's whole body was suddenly tense as she turned. The queen was taking slow, deep breaths, her hand moving up her stomach, and her eyes were open.

"Elizabeth!" Kate cried, bolting from the sofa to cross the room to the bed. Her hand was trembling as she felt Elizabeth's forehead and cheeks. Her face was so much cooler than it had been even twelve hours before, and she had a light sheen of sweat on her skin.

Kate had tears in her eyes when she looked at Carson, who had awoken as soon as Kate had spoken and raced to the other side of the bed. "I think the fever has broken," she told him, her voice trembling.

The weary doctor had never looked so relieved, even though he came around the bed to examine his patient once more. While Carson took her pulse, Elizabeth whispered, "Kate, I'm thirsty."

Kate looked at Marcus, who had come up behind her, and he immediately went to pour a glass of water. Together Carson and Kate managed to prop Elizabeth up enough to drink, and Kate held the glass for her until she had had enough. She sank into the pillows and closed her eyes, but her fingers gripped Kate's tightly and did not let go.

The gesture opened the floodgates, and for the second time in a day Kate began to cry openly. This time too Marcus stepped in to comfort her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, thinking that nothing could make her more joyful in this moment, except to have Laura here as well.

* * *

Elizabeth ached all over. She remembered waking a few times while she was sick but her last clear memory was of the morning when she had collapsed. The news from Radek, her loss in the college, Jack's betrayal – they all felt as though they had happened just a few hours ago, not days. She was relieved beyond measure to know that Lord George and her beloved cousin were also recovering, but she wondered now what would become of her country and her reign. How was she to recover in the eyes of the college?

Carson, as he wiped sweat from her brow, seemed to know where her thoughts were and he admonished her gently to think on other things. There was little she could do until she had her strength back. To that end, he left her in Kate's care, saying he was sending down to the kitchen for broth.

Kate, once she had recovered her composure, had sent Marcus to inform certain nobles that the queen had awakened, so she and Elizabeth were alone for a little while. Kate took that opportunity to help Elizabeth clean up and change into fresh clothes. The process exhausted her, but when she settled back against the pillows again, she was already feeling better. "You're a mess, Kate," she said to her old friend.

Kate actually blushed then, touching her hair before pulling the braid out. She got up to retrieve a brush but came back to sit on the bed with Elizabeth. "You scared me, Elizabeth," she confessed. "I had no idea you had grown so ill, and I – I was a little ashamed of having missed it."

"Kate, do not burden yourself," Elizabeth replied. "I had no idea either."

There was a long silence while Kate brushed her hair, working out knots. Kate also seemed to guess what Elizabeth was thinking of, for she asked, "Have you thought any of what you will do about the college?"

Elizabeth sighed and leaned her head back against the pillows. "I do not know," she said. "What is to be done? Jack got his way through deceit, certainly, but I gave my consent. I do not know what I shall do."

Her anger and hurt with Jack had not abated, and Elizabeth did not see a way for him to come back into her good graces. How was she to trust him when he had betrayed her so completely?

Neither of them said anything as Kate finished brushing her hair, a rather long process, especially this morning. Elizabeth was sure her own hair needed similar treatment, but she was not certain she could sit up long enough. Perhaps in a few hours Kate might be able to take care of that for her. In the meantime she drifted quietly until there was a knock on the door.

Carson peeked his head in. "Majesty, do you think you might be up to a visitor?" he asked.

Perplexed, she said, "Who is it?"

Carson smiled and opened the door all the way for his wife, and Laura fairly danced across the room and landed on the bed while Carson shut the door to give them privacy. Elizabeth could not keep from smiling. "Laura, where have you been?" she asked, squeezing Laura's hand while Laura kissed her cheeks.

There was a brief flash of pain in Laura's expression, but then Kate smiled. "Elizabeth, I believe Laura has some news to share."

Laura looked as though she were going to burst. "I'm with child, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth's jaw dropped, and then she could not keep a smile from her face, however weary. "Laura, that is wonderful news!"

"It is certain, then?" Kate asked.

"I have not consulted a midwife yet, but my stomach seems to rebel at everything now," Laura replied, rolling her eyes. "It is most inconvenient."

"I would think so," Elizabeth replied, laughing a little. She had not had time to wonder at Laura's absence, but she realized her friend must not have been attending her these last days. "Carson kept you away, didn't he? To protect the baby?"

Laura nodded, her face growing serious. "Many times I thought to defy him, but..." She trailed off, her hand pressing to her abdomen. "There is something I have told neither of you, but now I want you to know."

Elizabeth's smile fell, and she reached to brush Laura's cheek with her knuckles. "What is it, Laura?" she asked.

Laura seemed uncharacteristically hesitant. "Do you remember my illness in Neill?" she asked. Kate and Elizabeth both nodded, and Laura looked down at her fingernails. "I was not sick, exactly. I was pregnant then too, but I lost the child."

"Oh, Laura," Kate murmured. She put a comforting hand on Laura's shoulder.

"It was not something I wanted to talk about with anyone, even Carson," she continued. "But that is why Carson wanted to keep me away from anyone who was ill, and why I agreed with him." Laura raised her eyes and Elizabeth saw the grief and guilt in them clearly. "Believe me, Elizabeth," she implored. "This is the only thing that would have kept me from you these last few days."

"I believe you, Laura," Elizabeth replied, squeezing Laura's hand tightly. "I would never have you harm yourself or your child on my account."

Laura shifted around then, lying down carefully next to Elizabeth and laying her head gently on her shoulder. "I've missed you two so much," she said. "I thought I would go mad, left to my own devices for so long."

"I'm surprised you weren't climbing the walls," Elizabeth remarked.

She looked at Kate, who was smiling. "Who is to say that she wasn't?"

"True." Elizabeth agreed. "And if she was alone, she cannot disprove it."

Laura began to defend herself, but Elizabeth let Kate continue in her stead. She was tired, too tired to respond to their antics as she might want, but it was good to be with them both again. Courtships and marriages and parents and children might all strive to break them apart, but Elizabeth knew that the bond she had with these two was stronger than any blood tie, and nothing in life would truly take them from her side.

She closed her eyes while her two companions bickered playfully, and her last thought before she fell asleep was that it was good to have at least one thing back to normal, even for a little while.  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, the conclusion. ;)

  
The miles from Redwater to Atlantis were long and hard. John remembered all too well the journey he had taken in the spring, going the other direction but in much the same frame of mind. With every stride across the country, he grew more and more fearful that he would be too late.

Kate's letter was burned into his memory now, and he wondered if Elizabeth had managed to survive this long, as dire as the illness surely was. As he neared the northern coast, he knew that it had to have been three weeks at least since Kate had written to him. He could only pray that Elizabeth had held on. He was not sure what he would do if the worst had happened.

Near the village of Athos, the weather turned foul. The light rain that had plagued him all day was a downpour now. Wind and cold rain buffeted his body. Though John had seen worse weather than this during his winter spent in Atlantis, he had never ventured out into it. He thought about turning toward the village, where he might get some warm food and where someone might have news of Elizabeth.

It would not be enough. If she yet lived, he could never be satisfied with mere reports. So even when Silvanus reared twice, John pressed onward. He had spent long, lonely days riding northward as hard as he had fled south the previous spring. The journey had been so consumed with fear that he dared not trust anything but his own eyes.

He stopped only when he reached the great iron gates of the palace. A voice from within pierced through the keening wind. "Who goes there?"

"Lord John, Marquis of Sheppard, knight of Atalan!" he called.

He was about ready to plead with the guard or demand entry when half a dozen men stepped out of the shadows, shocked looks on their faces. Then another stepped out from the courtyard beyond the gate and ordered, "Let the man in!"

John had never been so happy to see or hear Captain Lorne.

Silvanus was all too eager to pass through the gates as soon as they were opened. As John was dismounting, one of the guards seized the reins of the horse. "Take him to the stables," John told the man, while he was already running up to Lorne. "Captain."

"My lord, I..." Marcus trailed off, and then he smiled just a little. "It's good to see you again."

John clapped the man's shoulder. His grip was tighter than it should have been but he didn't care. "What of the queen?" he asked, his voice growing hoarse.

Lorne looked surprised before understanding filled his face. "She lives, my lord."

John exhaled heavily then, letting go of the guard's shoulder. The relief that flooded him then was more profound than anything he had felt in the whole of his life. "I must see her, Marcus."

Lorne hesitated for a moment, but then nodded, a knowing look in his eyes. John wondered fleetingly how much had transpired for him during the last six months. "I'll take you to her."

It seemed as though the path through the corridors and stairs would never end, though John surmised quickly that the guard was leading him to the queen's audience chamber. It was there that he had first revealed his heritage to her, there that they had first fought. In that room she had told him of the invasion of Caldora, and in that room she had embraced him for the first time. His memories and weeks of anxiety mingled within him until he was clenching his fingers with nervousness. When they finally reached the place, flanked by two black-clad guards, Marcus stayed him with a hand while he opened the door.

He heard voices on the other side – Kate's, he thought, and possibly Daniel's. They were silenced when the door opened. "Pardon me, Majesty," Lorne said, "but a gentleman has just arrived and wishes to speak to you."

"Captain, can he not wait until morning?" John could hear the weariness in the soft voice that answered, but his heart swelled to hear her again.

Lorne smiled kindly. "I have a feeling you would never forgive me if I let you put him off until morning."

"Very well."

Lorne pushed the door open wide and stood out of the way. John stood frozen for a moment, half in shadow, taking in the sight before him. There were more people in the room than he'd expected – Daniel, Teyla, Lord George, Kate, Laura, and a man he thought to be Kate's father – but once his eyes fell on Elizabeth on her throne, he could not look away.

She was pale, too pale, and slimmer than she ought to be. Despite the heavy gown she was wearing and the shawl draped over her shoulders, she looked cold. When she saw him, her mouth opened up a little, but she said nothing. Instead she reached up and started fidgeting with the pendant of her necklace as though she were nervous.

Then suddenly the dog sitting at her feet – was that really the puppy he'd given her almost a year ago? – barked at him, breaking the spell. Elizabeth rose, her shawl falling into the chair. "John?"

He finally found the will to walk forward, though slowly. "Elizabeth, I..." he began, then looked down at his bedraggled state. "I heard you were sick." He glanced swiftly at Kate, who colored, but he could not keep his eyes from Elizabeth for very long.

Slowly, Elizabeth smiled.

Having come before her, he dropped to one knee, aware that he was dripping rainwater on her skirts but he couldn't bring himself to care. She held both her hands before him, and though he saw that she wore the signet, he saw no man's ring upon her finger. The last of the worry he'd harbored ever since leaving melted away, and he took her hands in his and kissed them both.

Forgetting that there were still others in the room, John stood and looked upon his queen's face. There were unshed tears in her eyes. "Elizabeth," he said, his voice breaking.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she whispered.

Gently he cupped her cheek. "I told you I would come back."

John could restrain himself no longer. He kissed her deeply, frantically, all his fears and longing answered with her own passion. She buried her hands in his wet hair, holding him close. One desperate kiss turned into another and the months apart seemed to melt away, as though they were still standing in the stables with nothing between them but mutual desire.

There was a loud coughing sound, and John broke the kiss, abruptly remembering that they had an audience. Daniel was looking at him sternly and the other man seemed utterly amazed by this turn of events, but Hammond seemed more resigned and amused than anything else. Teyla's serene countenance was filled with surprise but not displeasure, while Kate and Laura both looked positively giddy.

John turned his attention back to the woman still in his arms. Elizabeth was blushing, but her expression was so joyful that he could not help brushing his lips against hers chastely, audience be damned. Her hands stroked his neck and shoulders, and John held her tightly. His time of wandering was finally over.

He was home.

* * *

  
Thanks for reading, everyone. We'll be back with Season 3 ~~as soon as we've got a plan~~ before too long. ;)


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